Adhavan (19): The Fusion and Beyond

Chapter 18: The Fusion and Beyond

With him, in him, through him...

Translation

The sun and the moon together, even beyond it,

Squeeze, climb up the dazzling path, the truth, it stood close to

Anchored within one letter, in that incomparable space

The ones who can remain so, are never born again.

—Siddhar Sivavakkiyar Hymn (192)

The light, the sound, the sense, are the three vital phenomena through which mankind relates to God in full fledge; listens to him uninhibited; rejoices with him all along, day and night; converses with him at any moment, on any subject, from anywhere; harmonizes with him, one in union, one with all, unbiased; sees him completely naked, in full delight, in full glory, in full reverence; this inherent sensuous responsiveness, the mankind possesses age-long, is still elusive, uncomprehensive, inscrutable, beyond the grasp of rationalization, human minds are confined and conditioned to, dumped, waved off as worthless talks; meaningless garbage; foolish arguments; uncivilized blind-beliefs, has the grand truth, the vital source, the life form, the beat of the soul, inconspicuously hidden in it, gravely, to pertain, to absorb, to decipher its nature, it should be seen, heard and sensed, not with eyes, neither with ears, nor with flesh, rather, should be seen, in the form of the light; heard, in the form of the sound; sensed, in the form of touch, immensely by the soul, well, within the human body, apparently not outside the body, notably, this preliminary, archaic necessity, is the starting point of any spiritual journey, all other external devotions, fundamentals, rituals, tapas, poojas, yoga, pilgrimages, prayers, renunciations, karma yoga, abstinence, etc. are basically designed in good spirit, to attain the very needed, the most important, the preliminary state; the natural convergence of the human mind on the inner self, then comes the sustenance part, the most difficult one, being in the state, beyond time and space, forever, or attaining the ability to get to that state by the sheer exertion of one’s will, at any place, at any time, at any moment, is the culmination of the journey, wherein, the veil between the God and the subject has been torn off completely, in fact, destroyed, burnt, for that is not needed anymore, owing to the complete spiritual transformation attained, immortality achieved, to be precise, thy have become God, the God; the pinnacle of human excellence, a birth of a new unexplored journey, the untraveled path, for almost everyone, but for seldom few, who born as men, have raised themselves to God, in all due rights, in all due diligence, in all due respect.

It was very late when the gathering started to leave from Thavamedu, almost everyone of them left in peace, with a light heart, filled bellies, divine blessings, there were a few more, who were still sitting around Siddhar Macham, engrossed in deep thoughts, involved in serious talks, it might take an hour or more for them to take leave, in line, there were few more men, who might have a few words with Macham, in person, before they would take leave too, at the remote corners of the tent, meager few were scattered around, might be, they were from far off places, obviously, they have come here by foot, so they might wait, leave early morning, after a good night’s sleep, hopefully, he would be relieved in another few hours of time. During certain auspicious days, the crowd had literally squeezed in, events had gone out of control, Macham would attend each and every one of them painstakingly, on such days, the occasion would stretch till the next day noon, in certain cases, it would stretch further till the next day midnight, Sarutha hoped Macham would have some rest soon, then she focused on the work ahead, soon, herself, her sons, her daughters, her maids, started packing up things, loaded them on to the bullock carts, organized for the return journey, on seeing Macham, still being held in the discussions, she sent away the party, waited for him patiently, along with Adhavan, Killivalavan and a few of her sons, scattered all around her, drifting into a deep solid sleep.

At the remote corners of the tent, amidst engulfing darkness, Patabiraman was hiding nervously behind Balaraman, he was not able to accept being disparaged by Siddhar Macham, that too in a public gathering, before little kids, in the presence of his peers, it was a mighty blow, on his self, on his pride, on his social status, he was trying to get into terms with it, his mind raced for justification, that he could muster of, that could answer for the wretched state he was thrown into, he felt really miserable, awkward, embarrassed to the core, he didn’t have the heart to approach him again, in light, amidst pool of surrounding men, owing to the fear of being intentionally ignored, mercilessly forsaken, rejected again, in fact, he hid himself behind his assistant, to evade the onlookers, the crowd, the pestering people, ready to growl and snarl at his open, fresh wound, especially their sympathetic glances of pity, that would tear open his wound every time to see, how the wound was inflicted; to know, how it happened, the history of it;  to poke, to see, if it is still hurting; to understand, the level of pain he has gone through, he has to bear; to preach, how to cope with such bad times; to teach, how he should respond during such miserable conditions; to judge, if he was right or wrong, such horrendous thoughts raced his mind, he felt dizzy, a sense of nausea took over him, he felt like vomiting, for the first time in his life, he hid from the crowd, from the people, from the mass, from the same people, whom he wanted to flock around in multitude; look up to him for all their problems, in reverence, in praise of him, just this, one simple unscrupulous act by Siddhar Macham has landed him in complete misery, a great emotional turmoil, that he is still finding difficult to digest, he would need, not only ample time, to get away from it, but come into terms with the humiliations levied upon him, he would need a good solid reason behind the unmannerly, uncivilized, barbaric, egoistic, arrogant disposition towards him, he need to justify himself, he needs to prove to the Siddhar, that he is man of right breed, right knowledge, right attitude, he decided to somehow find some time alone with him, pour his heart out, earnestly request him for the divine revelation, guide him in his spiritual path, take him as his disciple, nothing would soothe him, than his own kind words, his own gentle touch, his own hearty blessings. He anxiously waited for the right moment, when the last man would leave the tent, he would sprint to him, fall to his feet, beg him, to help him out of the emotional turmoil, the mental depression, he was subjected into. With the burning rage, bitter humiliation, he looked at his assistant, Balaraman, 79 years old, poor widower, a pious old man, left with nothing, but sincere devotion to Lord Rama, who came to him with empty hands, he was generous enough to take him in, give him food and shelter, use him as his assistant, though he didn’t use him for his scholarly activities, during his long visits, to far off places, which he often does, he took him along with him, allowed him to wash his laundry, cook his food, make his bed, clean his sandals, arrange his manuscripts, help him with his daily chores, he made him to be a man of his good intentions, good will, great generosity, Balaraman though older than him, did whatever he was bid to do, without any grievances, without any grudges, soon he became indispensable to Patabiraman, but today’s happening made Patabiraman raise his eyebrows, his mind raced with one question, just one question, that haunted him throughout this miserable, long, tiresome night, it loomed in his mind, from the very moment Siddhar gave Balaraman, a handful of fresh, fragrant Jasmine, “Why did he choose Balaraman over me? Why?” Whatever useless answer he was able to come up with, neither satisfied Patabiraman’s intriguing mind, nor satisfied his restless, greedy soul, he kept on pondering over it, every time he saw his assistant Balaraman, that too with his palm-sized, drawstring pouch, which had that handful of jasmine given to him by the Siddhar, his soul writhed with thousand stabs, thousand pains, in front of  hundreds of men, Siddhar Macham has knowingly ignored him, intentionally chose Balaraman over him, gave him a handful of fresh, fragrant Jasmine, right before him, overtaking him, the though of it literally squeezed his heart, crushed it mercilessly, his pain was growingly unbearable, every time someone looked at him, he felt insulted, he hid behind his assistant Balaraman, all unscrupulous thoughts crowded his mind, it even urged him to commit suicide, he sulked before all of them, even if they were not genuinely interested in knowing about it, he avoided them, every one of them, each one of them, for the fear of being cornered by them, requesting for an explanation, may ask him, that unwanted question, that he didn’t want to hear, that would smother him, that would kill him, “Why did Siddhar ignore you?” He wanted to run away from the tent, hid himself behind a tree, safe, where he won’t need to face those pathetic glances, filled with sympathy, especially from the folks, who were much much lower than his social status; from those ignoble fools, lower by birth, lower by knowledge, lower by profession, lower by material wealth, lower by everything that he had earned in this world, that he had gained by birth, it is a stain, an unremovable stain, Siddhar Macham has smeared on him intentionally, which in fact, he knew very well, inflicted by him, knowingly, in his full self awareness, that unbearable pain, that stifling anguish, that poignant tragedy, he is going through right now, just rose and become almost impossible to be borne anymore, whenever someone came close to him, whenever someone talked to him, whenever someone looked in his direction, the question rammed his mind, Ah! every moment of it was painful, humiliating, defeating, but he has decided to get an answer for it, he can’t go around with this pain, he can’t bear it anymore, he needed an answer, he chose to approach him straight, fall to his feet, seek his forgiveness, request him for the reason, for his uncourteous disposition towards him, with that in the mind, avoiding people around, counting every second, he painfully waited for the right moment, he can meet with Siddhar Macham, in person, all alone.

Midnight stealthily passed away, sunrise was fast approaching, the last man too had left the grounds happily, Macham was all alone, that was the time Patabiraman was exactly looking for, when he was about to approach him, Macham laid back flat on the grounds, stretched his muscles, let out a mild sigh, closed his eyes, pretended to have fallen asleep, again, this time too, he had deliberately avoided him, it hurt him very deeply, despicable feelings lingered in his heart, tears rolled down his eyes, owing to multiple rejections, he almost fainted on the grounds, slowly, a sweet sleep swept over him, that was in fact heavenly, he slept peacefully at the feet of his assistant Balaraman, instantaneously, the same moment Patabiraman has slept off, Siddhar Macham got up, looked in his direction, satisfied that he has slept, he pulled himself up, the next moment Sarutha was on her feet, leaving the tent to her sons, sleeping all around, they left together, they walked along side one another, under the blissful moonlight, with sweet little conversations, meager two to three words, some smiles, some laughs, some kind words, some gentle embraces, that was the time they had together, for one another, of all the day’s events, surprisingly, even their kids were not around them, well encompassed in one another’s love and warmth, filled with deep satisfaction, the blessed couple reached their pleasant home, Macham rested on the veranda, Sarutha went into the hut for a short doze, though she was the last one to go to the bed, she will be the first one to wake up, early in the morning, get things rolling for the next day.

The only man who was awake, throughout the night was Balaraman, though his knowledge and expertise on all four vedas, holy scriptures, mantras were profound enough to run on his own, in fact, much better, much more experienced, well-versed than Patabiraman, he hid all of that, well behind his pious outlook, a genuine humble disposition, though he can recite all four vedas by heart, he still found himself unworthy, incompetent, uncivilized, even to earnestly request for divine experiences. In accordance with the way of his life, to relish over the divine grace, to realize his true self, as a part of his daily routine, he has been reciting “Sri Rudram” daily, “Lalitha Sahasranamam” on every Friday, “Vishnu Sahasranamam” on all Tuesdays and Saturdays, then occasionally, he would recite other mantras, sometimes "Devi Mahatmyam", as per the demand of the situation and the availability of time, an appreciable, admirable habit, that he landed upon, very early in his life, from the time he was aware of; a habit inculcated in him, by his father, that still sustained in him, amidst many unavoidable situations, heartbreaking occasions, memorable events; an impeccable habit, very deeply ingrained in him, from a very young age; a respectable tradition that somehow continued in him, remarkably, unbroken, amidst all hardships, difficult situations; in spite of all valid reasons one could come up with, miraculously, somehow he always found time, even among the most tiring situations, even on the such days like this, it gave him vigor, clarity, serenity, humbleness and joy, he lived an absolutely healthy life, no wonder, he has never been sick, for almost 45 years, in a stretch, purely because of his way of life. He looked at the moon, playing hide and seek with the dark clouds, he left Patabiraman, undisturbed, letting him to continue with his peaceful sleep, he knew the pain he was going through, but he knew about him very well, if he would intervene in his affairs, counsel him, he would take it wrongly, he would feel really offended, for being advised by him, to him, he is just an assistant, in fact, much lower than that, a servant, a worthless one, a loathsome fool, born in his highly respectable society, good for nothing fellow, there wasn’t much he could do in such situations, that too for Patabiraman's attitude towards him, he left him stealthily, as he crossed the tent, he came across Adhavan, he was deep asleep, he took this chance to get close to him, his eyes traversed all over his body, studied his features carefully, his feet, thighs, waist, palms, arms, chest, eyes, nose, ears, everything, every fine, delicate features in his body, was touched by Balaraman’s steady, intentful gaze, he was magically pulled towards him, mesmerized, he continued to stare at his remarkable handsome face, a faint smile appeared on it, scared, he ran away from him, for the fear of waking him up, he hid himself behind the tent, from there, he looked at him again, from a short distance, he felt an unfathomable joy, a childlike innocent happiness overwhelmed his soft heart, tears of joy rolled down his face, he muttered, “Ram, Ram”, it just blurted out of him, just like that, he wanted to give that sweet child something, something that would make him happier, that would adorn him, that would make him stronger, that would give him much strength to continue his journey, with such strong emotions, he stepped out of the tent, after attending to his needs, he bathed in the pond, came out, found some remote place in the forest, stared chanting “Lalitha Sahasranamam”.

The rising sun gently stroked Balaraman, woke him up from the deep trance, he was thrown into, by the enchanting mantras, the due effects of Lalitha Sahasranamam read in one full stretch, he looked at the glorious sun, took a deep breath in, raised his arms to his chest, closed his palms, bowed in devotion, in reverence to the rising sun, he then, rushed towards the tent, it was being removed by Adhavan, Killivalavan and his brothers. Patabiraman was standing at the edge of the road, looking out in the direction of Siddhar Macham’s hut, though he was ready for the day, his face was bruised with agony; wracked by frustration; swollen, beaten by humiliation and defeat, slowly, Balaraman approached him, stood behind him, Patabiraman, unable to contain his emotions anymore, vented it out on him, blasted him horrendously, despite the fact, he was there, well before time, by his side, ready to serve him, but then, unheeding, he yelled at him, as though his mere presence was the cause of his present hangdog state, he tried to blame him, for every single bad thing that happened to him from yesterday night, cursing himself, cursing Balaraman, he led the front, walked fast hurriedly, not because he had in him, an imminent rush to meet Siddhar Macham, it is because he wasn’t able to stand the presence of Balaraman anymore, he wasn’t able to tolerate his voice, he very much wanted to get rid of him, sooner the better, he cursed himself for hiring him, that ungrateful, obnoxious pig, the thought of him getting a handful of Jasmine always lingered in his mind, it evoked in him, a repulsive, disgusting, mixed feeling of hatred and jealousy, he wanted to get rid of it, get rid of every single rotten thing thrown at him, he wanted to shrug off the loads of shit dumped on him, that ran all over him, suffocating him, stinking on him, that wetted all his heart, his mind, his soul, all of him, it was a nauseating, repulsive, third rated experience, suddenly, he hated everything; the place; the people; the life; even himself, he felt really miserable, disheartened, totally broken, gradually, a cold silence fell over him, throughout out the downhill walk, they never talked again, a strong wall has been clearly erected between them, they reached Macham’s hut, their relationship has almost ended. For the one who can see through all of this, will for sure appreciate the wisdom behind it, the relationship severance, is the most valuable gift, by Siddhar Macham to both of them, Balaraman will be homeless again, Patabiraman, will never ever try to get close to Siddhar Macham again, all this for coming to meet a Siddhar, on a full moon day.

Siddhar Macham was sitting relaxed, in a siddhasana, on the veranda, chewing betel leaves along with a few betel nuts and a small pinch of slaked lime, often sucking in the rejuvenating juice, he never spat it out, he sucked in the vitalizing vapor; ingested it; felt it; allowed it to mix with his breath; inhaled it deeply; traced it back to the crown of his head; relaxed, exhaled it; then either swallowed the juice along with the pulp or continued to chew the betel leaves, he thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, in full awareness, he did it with so much of fervor and bliss, it made everyone else there to salivate, pick up few betel leaves, chew it out for themselves, trying to go through whatever he was going through, but in vain, they were never able to trace it back to their souls, do it out from there, derive ultimate pleasure from one’s senses, he taught them, but they never learnt how to maximize one’s pleasure, right out of their bodily sense’s, rather, they literally followed him, did whatever he did externally, but never once they replicated his state of mind, he lingered upon, no one got it right, not even once, not even a percent anywhere near to it, soon people started flocking around him, they seldom disturbed him, no one got close to him, no one sat anywhere next to him, for the fear of disrupting the harmony he was fully relishing on, that was the time Patabiraman saw him, that same moment tears rolled out of his eyes uncontrollably, he prostrated before him, cried aloud,

“Lord, what mistake did I make, for you to avoid me so mercilessly, please do bless me, my heart is pure, I don’t have anything against you, you know that well, I will not get up until you bless me, I will not get up until you speak to me, I will not get up...”

He sobbed heavily, he didn’t get up, he held onto Macham’s feet tight, continued to whimper, Siddhar Macham didn’t heed to anything he was uttering, he remained aloof, he continued to stare emptily into the space right before him, a stranger would have thought Siddhar Macham to be blind, deaf and dumb, not to be moved by the cries, such heart moving words, uttered by Patabiraman, it even became growingly difficult for Balaraman to remain silent, he looked at Siddhar Macham pleadingly, requesting him, either to bless him or chase them both away, this terrible silence was becoming unbearably painful than being insulted openly by words.

The pond far ahead was so busy, people have started to come in and go, from here, it looked very beautiful, a typical shining globulet, glistening in the morning sunlight, here and there, around that glittering silver drop, women who were greedy enough to silver plate the whole length of their bodies, immersed themselves multiple times, in that pool of silver, their greed knew no bounds, unsatisfied with the coating of their bodies alone, they rapaciously dipped their clothes, their kids, their utensils, their baskets, even their husbands, some went to an extent of even filling their pitchers with that dazzling, molten silver, they were not satisfied until every tiny item they possessed were silver plated, except a few items which they safely placed on the pond steps, before stepping into the pond, might be, they could either be costlier than silver or simply a perishable useless item, that won’t last long, even if coated multiple times, none of them seemed to really care about the happenings at Macham’s hut, might be, they didn’t see what was happening there; they didn’t hear what was being said at this end. Time had gone by, almost half an hour had passed away, Siddhar Macham continued to chew the betel leaves slowly, relishing every bit of it, in total serenity, never once he looked down at Patabiraman, lying flat before him, nor did he look at others, it was like, to him, they were not there at all, drained of all his tears, thus have emptied his emotions, but for the adamancy left with, Patabiraman was still on the floor, face down, unyielding, he didn’t get up, neither Macham, nor Balaraman tried to soothe him, none of the others there, tried to sedate him, nothing was done to him, unasked for, he was left to cry for himself, as much he wanted, on his own, slowly, people started coming around, some inquisitive about the happenings around, some to spend time with Siddhar Macham, some to partake in the discourses, some for food, some for passing time, the list went on, so many people with so many different types of interests, flocked around Macham’s hut, Rathinamozhian came along with Muthupandian, his wife and his kids, they sat beside Balaraman, his wife and kids went into the hut, slowly others started pouring in, Adhavan came with Killivalavan, sat beside Siddhar Macham. Koperunkilli, Kathirnindravalavan, Senthamizhmozhian, Perunenkilli, Poncetuceni and Thendrankilli came as a group, sat behind Rathinamozhian, Nedunenkilli can be expected at any moment, he is known for making surprise visits, his other sons and followers must have left late night or early in the morning, some of the tribal men, local chieftains, few landlords from the nearby plains, came in a bit late, sat behind everyone there, occupying the last row. Almost an hour as passed by, still Siddhar Macham ignored Patabiraman, it was just like, he was literally absent in the group, though he was right before them, lying flat before Macham, none of them dared to intervene, request Siddhar Macham, to attend to him, some sympathized, “Ah! What a wretched position Patabiraman has thrown himself into?”, some whispered, “Why pa is so hard on him?”, unable to remain silent, the gathering conspired, slowly the gossip spread around, they tried to fabricate reasons for Siddhar Macham’s behavior, each came up with a reason, some mutilated that reasons, some tried to justify it, soon they elevated themselves to become judges, they started judging, Who is right? Who is wrong?, it went on, all of them gossiped, except the four, Adhavan, Killivalavan, Balaraman and Muthupandian, others gossiped, as much as they liked, letting their imagination spread wings, they even started taking sides, some for Siddhar Macham, some for Patabiraman, it all looked completely ridiculous, a grandiose nonsense. As like, just to break the silence, Sarutha came out, along a with her daughter in law, Veeramangai, served bowls of ragi porridge, with fried buttermilk chillies and Indian crunchies, to all of the men grouped around, even, the womenfolk, well aware of the happening around, didn’t serve Patabiraman, leaving him unattended, they went inside the hut, after handing over the utensil, still half of it, full with ragi porridge, to one of the tribal men there, to serve if needed.

The pond was almost empty now, but for a few heads scattered around, hither and thither, the steps were washed clean, it looked soft, glistened brightly in the morning sun, Macham got up, ordered Adhavan and Killivalavan to light a lamp in the middle step, at its center, instructed Muthupandian and Balaraman to assist them, then leaving Patabiraman, where he was, letting him to solve his own problems, that weren’t actually problems, he went to the pond, bathed in it for a while, in the mean time, the foursome were running around, collecting various items, required to light a single lamp, others stood witness to the happenings around. Killivalavan and Adhavan went inside the hut, took a single faceted lamp, some paddy grains, turmeric powder, sandal powder, kumkum, cotton wick, ghee, a burning oil lamp, with all necessary items, they came to the pond, by the time Muthupandian and Balaraman have washed all the steps again, on the middle step, at its center, Adhavan applied semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste, formed a clear circle, a bit larger than the base of the lamp, at its center, he applied kumkum, over which he heaped handful of paddy grains, adjusted it to fall within the circle, Killivalavan worked on the lamp, he applied the same, semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste on its base and head, placed kumkum at their centers, placed it over the heap of paddy grains, balanced it well, then he rolled the wick tightly between his palms, smoothened its edges by rolling it fine between his index and thumb finger, adjusted it very fine, placed it inside the lamp, with the smoothened edge, slightly protruding out at the head, the remaining part of it wrapped around in neat coils, that rested beautifully like a snake in a silent brumation, Adhavan poured diluted ghee onto it, Balaraman and Muthupandian brought, handful of wild flowers, placed it all around the lamp, then they anxiously waited for Siddhar Macham to come out of the pond, to light it, no sooner they finished arranging it, Macham came out of the pond, waved at Adhavan, the gesture was a simple instruction, asking him to light the lamp, he looked at the sun, chanted “Ommmm”, loud and clear, from deep within, he looked at the sun again, continued chanting, took fire using a cotton wick, from the burning oil lamp, kept nearby, lit the decorated ghee lamp, it burnt brightly, the crowd chanted along with him, the whole place was filled with the sound “Ommmmmmm”, it echoed everywhere, reverberated all over Velir Thopu.

Then he asked Balaraman and Muthupandian to sit on the last step, both of them sat in padmasana facing Macham, their legs was caressed by smooth waves, that gently surfaced, flushed, danced in tune with the wind, Macham sent Killivalavan for a small pitcher, went into the pond, a few paces from where they were sitting, lower part of his body was fully immersed in the water, he looked at the sun, raised his hands above his head, closed his palms, stood still for a few moments, invoked his guru’s blessings, Adhavan involuntarily closed his eyes, from deep inside, he looked at the pond, he saw few tigers at the shores, a heavily built, ruthless, terrifying man with broad shoulders, strong arms, tiger paws, blazing eyes, stood majestically, right at the position where Siddhar Macham was standing, a King cobra of immeasurable length circled him, at an unimaginable speed, it hissed furiously, his heart pounded, simultaneously, he heard a faint roar of a ferocious tiger, from somewhere very nearby, a chillness went through him, he shuddered, opened his eyes, saw Siddhar Macham still in the same position, Killivalavan was rushing to him with a small pitcher made of copper, Adhavan joined him, Macham went few more steps inside the pond, accompanied by Killivalavan and Adhavan, took the empty pitcher from Killivalavan, filled it with the pond water, poured the first one on himself, the next one on Adhavan, the third one on Killivalavan, the fourth one he brought it to the pair, poured it on Muthupandian, the water smoothly fell on the crown of his head, he went into the pond again, brought the fifth one, poured it softly on Balaraman, handed over the empty pitcher to Killivalavan, continued to chant “Ommm”, throughout the occasion, the crowd chanted along with him, as Killivalavan handed over the filled pitchers, he poured it on both of them, one after another, as much as he wanted, Adhavan stood by Macham’s left, with semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste and kumkum, he continued to chant his traditional, specific, lengthier, “Ommmmmmm”, satisfied with the abhishekam, he moved on to the next stage, he worked on the varmam points, he first applied semi diluted turmeric sandal paste, he started with the right hand, gently applied it over the center of the upper right palm, smoothly pulled it straight, till the joints of the right shoulders, slowly brought it down to the center of the chest, stopped it there, applied kumkum at the center of the right palm, then at the outer elbow joints and at the outer shoulder joints, then he did the same to the left arm, starting from both the palms, a fine yellow line was streaked across, till the shoulders, then it was pulled down to the center of the chest, that formed a V shape, at its center, he applied kumkum, pulled it straight upwards, it formed a red streak, there were 3 red streaks on the right arm, 3 on the left arm, 1 in the center of the chest, then he applied semi diluted turmeric-sandal paste across the forehead, from right to left, applied kumkum at the center of the forehead, pulled it straight up, creating the 8th red streak on the body, he did this systematically, on both of them, one after another, throughout this time, the gathering chanted continuously, loudly, along with Macham, Adhavan and Killivalavan, the sound of “Ommmmmmmmmm” reverberated all over the place, it filled the ponds, it filled the woods, it even filled the surrounding hills, both their bodies responded similarly, their bodies were taut, backs bent, lungs heaved up, head tilted upwards, but then, their minds didn’t converge on their souls, they weren’t looking deep inside, they weren’t anywhere near to it, so Macham closed his eyes, penetrated both of them simultaneously, saw what they were seeing, their clumsiness, their foolishness, the tricks, their minds played on them, he laughed at it, overtook their minds, ruled it like a king, from deep within them, he saw the sun in the right, the moon in the left, the bizarre eruption of lightnings between the Sun and the Moon, that infused into beautiful dazzling white cloudy path, through which he let, both of them soar up to great heights, just for a few memorable moments, just to get the taste of it, then he brought both of them down, simultaneously, to the ground levels, they entered their bodies with full impact, they coughed and panted for their breath heavily, then he fed them with three full palms of water; with him, in him, through him, they learnt to soar, they learnt to see; the inner cosmos; the grand truth; the finite god part; the path to the source; the Parabrahma, the eternal God. Slowly, they came back to the normal human levels, opened their eyes, Balaraman’s body was too weak to withhold the pressure of the surge, he almost collapsed, owing to the old age, he kept on shivering profusely, Killivalavan helped him to gather himself up, wrapped a fresh dhoti around him, wrapped his right arm over his right shoulder, guided him to the veranda, there he saw Patabiraman staring at him with red hot eyes, Macham came out of the pond, walked towards the hut, accompanied by Muthupandian and Adhavan, on seeing Siddhar Macham, Patabiraman’s eyes welled up with tears again, he cried publicly out of humiliation, even that didn’t move Macham, he turned his eyes away, attended Balaraman with utmost care, Adhavan rubbed his right feet, Killivalavan rubbed his left feet, Siddhar Macham rubbed his palms, been emotionally defeated multiple times, Patabiraman fell to the feet of Balaraman, apologized him for all humiliation and insult levied on him, he cried pitiably, the solemn, genuine act balanced his karma, Balaraman blessed him, only after that, Macham took a bowl of ragi porridge, handed it over to Patabiraman, taking the bowl, he tried to talk to him, rather Macham waved his hands, asked him to savor the porridge.

The chanting should have touched many, soon people started flooding Macham’s hut, unable to accommodate the overwhelming crowd, the whole gathering moved to the Maiam, where the synchronized array of events would flow uninhibitedly, they all settled comfortably in and around it, under the cool shades of the ancient trees.

Macham turned to Muthupandian, asked him straight,

“Still, do you want to take revenge?”

Muthupandian replied sincerely,

“No, but I want so save my people, fulfill the promises I have made to my blood, vows made can’t be broken, you master know that well.”

Macham laughed one of his roaring laughter, that pierced the high skies, shook the trees, echoed for a few moments, then he slowly turned to Patabiraman, told him with great authority,

“If you so much want to have a divine insight, you please go to your guru, I am not your guru, taking someones else’s disciple is equivalent to taking someone else’s wife, it is against divine norms, I won’t help you, I won’t infuse myself into you, take you to higher levels you are seeking, you need to ask your guru for that, please go to him, abide by him, serve him the way Balaraman served you.”

Astounded by the reply, Patabiraman, asked anxiously,

“Master, Where is he? How can I find him? Will he take me in? Does he too have a stone heart like yours? Will he also be so adamant like you?”

Macham laughed mildly at his reply, answered politely,

“What makes you think I was hard on you, I have actually helped you, the tears of repentance that you shed today, have purified your soul, have lightened your bad karma, made you ache for the divine grace, honestly look out for your guru, your quest has already started, I have bruised your ego enough, I have made it easy for your guru, now, he can annihilate it fully, so that, you can be him; he can be you; you can see what he has been seeing, go look for him, you are ready, stable enough, to go ahead with your spiritual quest.”

Patabiraman was puzzled, looked at him earnestly, pleaded with his eyes,

Macham stared into the space right before him, after a momentary pause, he continued,

“I see him beneath a Pupil tree, chewing betel leaves, by the right side of a Vinayagar statue, near by a big flowing river, he is now looking straight back at us, he knows that you will be coming for him, he is actually waiting for you.”

Patabiraman asked him anxiously, “Master please... Where is this place?”

Macham, eased the frowning over his head, massaging the top of his nostrils and the forehead together, replied earnestly, “Cauvery... Puhar...”

Saying that Macham collected five big gooseberries, gave it to Patabiraman, spoke softly,

“Your quest has just now started, it may even take a few more births, it may even be more painful than what you have experienced today, it may even kill you, but have faith and patience, be on it, you will get it sooner or later.”

Soft, caring words moved him, he cried again, but this time, he cried out of happiness, a sense of deep satisfaction engulfed him, with big smiles, he prostrated again before Macham, bequeathed all his possessions, including his most sacred manuscripts to Balaraman, without looking back at the gathering, with a strong unshakeable vision in his mind, he started walking towards Puhar.

Then Macham turned to Muthupandian and Balaraman, addressed both of them,

“Though you both know the path now, you can travel anytime you want to, but you can’t remain in the sate owing to your unfinished karma, so focus on fulfilling your karmic needs, before you can completely let yourself mix and merge with the Parabrahmam, the God, else you will not be able to rest in peace, your unfinished business will haunt you in your next birth too, that holds good, even for enlightened men like you.”

He paused for a moment, then continued,

“You both are welcome to stay here, as along as you want to.”

That same moment, a pack of wild horses raced towards the Maiam, they came at the speed of lightning, Nedunenkilli was leading the pack, within a fraction of seconds, without giving anyone a moment to think, the group of elite soldiers surrounded Muthupandian, their spears were pointed at him, people around him fled away, he sat like a statue, unperturbed, unmoved, Nedunenkilli walked with such an air of authority, prostrated before his father, took his blessings, drew his long sword stylishly, in a flick of a moment, pointed it at Muthupandian, he remained calm, unruffled, the next moment Killivalavan drew out his Surul Pattai, released its lock, walked towards Nedunenkilli with his bloodthirsty flexible swords rattling behind, faced his brother with strong determination; firm and hard; face to face. Nedunenkilli would have least expected this audacious, disloyal, outlandish behavior from his younger brother, he stared at him in full rage, it was a clear, painful, emotional stand off.

 (To be continued...)

Written on Dates: 07/21-07/28

About Adhavan

Chapter 01 The Realization of the Vocation

Chapter 02 The First Glimpse of the Third Eye

Chapter 03 The Complete Surrender

Chapter 04 The Sacredness of the Divine Incarnation

Chapter 05 The Veneration of a Guru

Chapter 06 The Immortality

Chapter 07 The Art of Dying

Chapter 08 The Good Cause

Chapter 09 The First Dissemination

Chapter 10 The One behind the Spiritual Transformation
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions

Chapter 12 The Insight of the Divine Lamp
Chapter 13 The Great Four

Chapter 14 The Final Samadhi
Chapter 15 The Blossoming Love
Chapter 16 The Divine Intervention
Chapter 17 The Second Dissemination