Chapter 19: The Rise of an Internal Conflict
External conflict is a painting of the internal conflict.
Translation
We will lift the eight
mountains, throw it out like a ball
We will drink all seven seas, then belch
We will measure the immeasurable
sand
Oh snake! Arise, dance before the
lord.
—Siddhar Pampatti Hymn (028)
The scorching sun has to scorch, the chilling moon has to chill, the ripping tide has to rip, the nature has to go on, create itself endlessly, unbound; flow without barriers, uninterrupted; if for a moment, just for a moment, if it ceases to act; disobeys the universal laws; fails to meet his commitments; sticks to its personal obsessions; severs the natural bonds; recesses on its own will; resigns purposefully, creates unimaginable chaos; bigger disruptions; unexpected adversities; leading to greater calamities, either it be nature, or it be life, it is one and the same, for those who don’t abide by the divine norms; the universal laws, that which governs all ethics and morality, that not subjected to, or driven by prejudices, heaped upon by man-made discriminations, borne out of color, creed, gender, knowledge, wisdom, education, race, skill, economy, disability, etc., reap in abundance, massive destructions; thrashing defeats; unbearable losses; suicidal adversities, laid upon them hard and crude; not only on them, as well as, inevitably, unquestionably, it stretches out and sweeps all those who depend on them, whoever clung to them physically; emotionally; mentally, thus the whole of mankind is, unknowingly, unintentionally, undeservedly, pulled into it, smashed, squeezed, ripped, over and again, mercilessly, by the unending cycles of causes and effects, even such small failures in simple acts, like being on time, speaking the truth, caring for one’s emotions, performing one’s duty, patience towards dear and near ones, handling down bad temper and impatience, paying respect to one’s privacy, respecting one’s personal beliefs without discriminations, not only inundates into greater calamity, but storms down ferociously, unheedingly, into destructive bigger waves, such as mighty tsunamis, that could even wash out the whole of the human race, if not stopped, before it starts, the flow of events would not only be inexorable, but be continuous, such is the power of the neglects, the deviations, the perversions, each individual living and dead, can have over the divine norms, that which, would lead to the total eradication of morality and ethics, wheresoever place it hides, whomsoever heart it thrives, it will be uprooted and killed, in the flick of a moment, unobtrusively, unheedingly, totally, fully by the association of the good hearts.
No sooner Killivalavan drew himself closer to Nedunenkilli, a gloominess fell over the gathering, an unacceptable silence brooded over everyone's face, the furrows on their forehead deepened further, increased much their worries and anxieties, a perceptible silence engulfed the Maiam, tightened its hold, strangled the trouble brewers, suffocated the meager few, stranded by the occasion, captivated the hearts and minds of the larger many, strewn around by the same occasion, rapidly, a well noticeable change took over Macham, his body grew stiff, a sort of impenetrable hardness crept upon him, the place grew hot, sweltering heat smothered their lungs, sweat rolled down the faces, few of them wiped off their sweat drops, trickling profusely down their foreheads, others let the sizzling heat wash their bodies with their own steaming sweat, Macham’s whole body was set ablaze, it not only effused light, it emanated heat, an unbearable sweltering heat, his body looked red hot, tense, wrought, highly tempered, though he retained his composure, a sense of wrath about to erupt was clearly visible in his forged form and semblance, that evoked deep fear, earnest respect and greater caution, softly murmuring “Om Nama Sivayyyyha” he closed his eyes, his mind halted the same moment, his breathing stopped, his heart ceased to pulsate, everything paused for a moment, from a short distance, he looked alike a burning Panchaloha statue of a siddhar, posed well in a siddhasana, the very split second, he closed his eyes, a mild shivering took over Killivalavan, Nedunenkilli and all of his armed men, slowly the intensity increased, the convulsions shook their whole body spasmically, their arms trembled so fast, that they could hardly hold on to their weapons straight, the shuddering grew further, much further, stronger, at one point, magically, the bows held by Nedunenkilli’s men broke exactly at its center, startled, the shivering men, unable to withhold their shaking arms, rushed towards Nedunenkilli, stood helplessly behind him, with their legs trembling faster than their hearts, seeking a safe haven, still the shuddering rammed their strong bodies, unable to withstand it any further, they looked pleadingly at Macham, threw themselves onto the grounds, sobbed like kids, who lost their way in the middle of a deep, dark forest, what may, the shuddering continued, it grew so much, it made both Nedunenkilli and Killivalavan drop their weapons too, still they were hard on their feet, they stood fixed in their positions, their adamancy knew no limits, they stood firm to their grounds, as though, their standoff was the only way to express their commitment towards their causes; their standpoints; their dignities; their lives, there was much further increase in the tremblings, their whole bodies jolted with heavy convulsions, it grew further, it shook uncontrollably fast, they were thrown to their feet by the supernatural divine force, they quivered terribly under heavy, deadly spasms, they finally yielded, in fact, they were forced to yield, they were forced to forgo their standoff, by the time, the words have spread around, Sarutha and her daughters came running towards the Maiam, looking at the pathetic situation that has befallen both her sons, gasping for breath, she fell a few feet before Siddhar Macham, requesting him to withhold him from lashing out the divine wrath, moved by Sarutha’s pleading, Macham yielded, slowly, very slowly he opened his eyes, the shivering subsided, slowly the sweltering heat eased, a cool breeze caressed the deep furrows of their scorched faces. Both the brothers, though they didn’t realize the level of irrevocable mistakes they have committed, realized the ultimate stupidity they have thrown themselves into, willingly succumbed to the current situation, jointly stepped forward towards Siddhar Macham, sat by his side, in complete reverence, soon Poncetuceni and Adhavan closed around them, along with Muthupandian. Nedunenkilli’s men sat behind the pack, the daughters tried to help Sarutha onto her feet, left without a clue on what had happened, they struggled to find their place in the current turmoil, involuntarily they sat nearby the elderly local women, listening to their version of the recent happenings.
Nedunenkilli broke the silence rather than raising his concern, he put forth a formal petition,
“Please handover Muthupandian to me, he is an outlaw, a fugitive of the state, a much hunted one, condemned to be executed mercilessly at mere sight of him, for the perilous deeds done to our people; our security; our integrity, my order is such that, no sooner I spot him, I am to exterminate him..”
Macham responded softly,
“When you say ‘our people’, do you mean your soldiers, who were killed in the war fighting against him?”
Nedunenkilli felt a hot spear literally spike through his heart, the words spoken by his father almost killed him, he least expected this reply, pondered over a bit, reluctantly muttered,
“Yes, my soldiers are my people, every moment this renegade is alive, he is a dangerous threat to all of us, for the time we spend sabotaging his plans, kill his people, dip ourselves in a pool of their blood, I would forcefully take his life, let hundreds and thousands of his own people live without shedding blood.”
Muthupandian responded furiously, he would have pounced on him, if not for the public gathering he was in,
“So that they can be your slaves, fall to your feet, worship you as lords, for that, my people would prefer being dead, that same moment, that very moment, with all glory and honor.”
Macham looked sternly at Muthupandian for interfering in the discussion that he was not supposed to enter, for talking when he was not supposed to talk, for indulging when he was not supposed to indulge, Nedunenkilli took this chance, tried to provoke him further, politicizing the scene, hastily replied,
“What do you want me to do with such barbaric, uncivilized, brute? How can I leave my mother, my sisters, my brothers, my people, to such a blood thirsty, fanatic?”
Before Muthupandian had time to respond, Macham raised his left hand, stopped him from making any further stupid emotional statements, then he slowly studied Nedunenkilli, found a faint trail of a malicious smile, closing at the thin edges of his thin lips, he drawing a sadistic pleasure in provoking Muthupandian became conspicuous, it lingered in Macham’s mind, he probed further, entered the minds of both Muthupandian and Nedunenkilli, simultaneously. Again an uncomfortable silence fell over the gathering, the heavy silence grew unbearably thick, Macham continued to remain silent, Nedunenkilli unable to read through his father’s mind, with growing impatience lurking behind, threatening to burst out at any given moment, made his earnest second plea, clear and sound, hiding his agitation, well behind his courteous nature,
“He is a convicted war criminal, has strong intentions to raise an army of his own, for which we have a greater amount of proofs, on various dealings he has made so far with various armbands, kings and royal commanders, principally he has almost approached all our arch enemies, his only zeal of his whole life, is to mercilessly crush the armies of our mighty eastern vendhars, nothing would soothe him, nothing, hence I humbly request you to hand him over to me, I will make sure that his death, is smooth, fast, painless...”
Macham replied humbly,
“My son, all true... well said, you have made your point, but still, he is doing the same to his people, the exact of what you are doing at your end, for your people, in fact, both of you are doing the same, for your land; for your country; for your people, in such case why should I allow one to kill the other?”
Nedunenkilli responded with a deadly rage, hidden well behind his thin artificial smile,
“Father it hurts me, when you compare the acts of a mindless deadly fugitive with courageous deeds of our men, solemnize his cruel acts with our men’s acts of valor... how can you do this to us, how can you compare his treachery with our loyalty, how? It hurts...”
Nedunenkilli paused for a moment. Macham took this time, intervened, replied softly,
“It is your perception that needs to change, as like your people, his people are mine too, I see god in each one of them, how will I then allow, both of you to tear apart one another into pieces.”
Baffled by his unpatriotic response, Nedunenkilli said,
“He is a criminal. He has killed our people. He still has the intentions to kill many more.... Then do you really expect me to leave him just like that. Can you prove to me that he is still innocent?”
Relaxed, at ease, Macham continued, “Did he steal our clothes?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he steal our food?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he misbehave with our women?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he kill our civilians?”
Nedunenkilli replied,
“No! No! No! But he has literally killed thousands and thousands of our men, our soldiers, our people... our own people... by letting him live, I am allowing the death of thousands more.”
Macham replied,
“Are you talking about war ethics? Are we at war? At our place, at the gathering that has flocked around me, at Velir Thopu... Are we at war? There aren’t any wars going on here...any...isn’t it?”
Nedunenkilli made a counter argument,
“No, but the peace exists, because we exterminate such weeds, that kill our peace, that had killed our peace in the past, they are just to be uprooted, the same moment, the same instant they are spotted.”
Macham worried about not reaching a consensus agreement, the sensible strategical avoidance played by Nedunenkilli, while talking about the impact of the past crimes, that day’s problem, the present situations, were really annoying, his peculiar unending repetitive discussions about the supposed reasons and the causes attributed to the most probable deaths, in the most probable future war, seemed to be completely ridiculous, single pointed, non-negotiable, cyclic argument, it would be really meaningless, any further, even to make a small advance, a reasonable argument, in that direction, so as to avoid further conflicts, easing the deep furrows on his high forehead, after a very long time, Macham put it straight and hard,
“Firstly, I don’t agree to it. Secondly, Why did you bring your men, expose your arrogance, borne out of the high rank given to you in the army, that too before the civilians, especially over a man whom I have taken as my disciple? The matters should be discussed in privacy, civilians should not be affected by it, don’t you know that, weren’t you, the elite of the elite soldiers, taught the civilized way?”
Nedunenkilli was taken back by the response, the insult laid upon him and his men was severe and painful, more than that, his father never used to take disciples, he wasn’t in need of them, they were in need of him, even once, he has ignored him as well as his eldest brother, Kathirvalavan’s request, then how come, he chose one of the state’s arch enemy, as his disciple, clinging on to his last words, he kept repeatedly saying that to himself, over and again, “Disciple! Disciple! Disciple!”
Macham very well understood the thoughts racking Nedunenkilli’s troubled mind, his lame justifications based on innate patriotism, seemed to be meaningless, the intensity of his affection for his family; his people, is questionable too, what he feels for them is more a filial duty, a kinship, a family pride, than love, in the eyes of the Siddhars, in Siddhars Macham’s perspective, all people are kins, all lands are god’s land, they don’t have any prejudices, they don’t have any racial discriminations, that doesn’t mean, they don’t discern between good and bad, in fact, they very much segregate people based on their virtues and their inherent goodness, unable either to comprehend the universal brotherhood or sense the goodness in one’s heart, Nedunenkilli desperately tried to find a rationale behind his father’s unscrupulous act, taking a disciple from a different sect; a different land; a different blood.
Allowing some time for the thoughts to sink into him, Macham spoke very softly,
“If I give my word, an assurance that he will not participate in the wars against eastern vendhars, will you leave him without harming him?”
The words rather than pacifying him, literally killed Nedunenkilli, it threw him into darkness, a void, a deep abyss, more than the rationale behind it, he clung to his emotions, he wasn’t able to tolerate his father giving so much of importance to a renegade, everything seemed to fall apart. The ethics, the morality, he was so strongly grounded to, seemed to vanish right under his feet, disappear into thin air, he desperately tried to grab onto something strong, something that will tell him on his face, strongly, that he is righteous, that he is ethical, that he is rational, but he felt empty inside, blank, lonely, insecure. After a short pause, gathering back his senses, not knowing what to do, how to proceed further, how to think beyond the circle he has drawn around himself, like an adamant child, he obstinately circled around the same point again and again, blabbered loudly, unconvincingly,
“Dear pa, the war is over, we are not at war, we have won it, but it may very much happen again, he might be your disciple now, then he might join the war when it happens, so he is a wanted man by the army, who has trespassed our region, as per the King’s high command, he has to be killed that immediate moment he is found.”
Siddhar Macham found himself helpless, he could either infuse his thoughts into him, which would demean him from a standpoint of a rational human being into a lower level of an irrational being or take away the decision making responsibility from him, shoulder it on himself, making it easy, making it less burdensome, hence this time, rather than trying to explain to him patiently, he moved onto issuing commands, he ordered him sternly,
“If the war is over, then why are you waging a war again? Go tell your kings the war is over, no more blood sheds, and this is Velir Thopu, you know, you can’t wage a war here, without Velir Royals permission. Please leave now.”
Poncetuceni can’t help laughing at the wisdom in Siddhar Macham’s words, though he is a superior to Nedunenkilli, he laughed openly, that suited well his disposition, but obviously insulted the man caught in set of arguments that he doesn’t have a control over.
Nedunenkilli controlled his wrath, bit his lower lips, his face frowned heavily, he almost spat venom, said harshly,
“What may? The army will find a way to get to him soon.”
Saying that, he left at the same speed he came in, his men followed him, before he could alight his horse, he stopped for a moment, looked back sharply, into the beautiful dove shaped eyes of Poncetuceni, said loud and clear,
“Lord, Senathipathi Poncetuceni, as per your command, I have tracked the whereabouts of our land's most wanted fugitive, Muthupandian, but I have failed in capturing him alive or dead, as he his being harbored under the guise of a disciple by your guru, Siddhar Macham at Velir Thopu. Will present a formal report of our endeavors, at your court, in the presence of your men.”
Except Macham, everyone's face turned towards Poncetuceni, he took that very lightly, looked at Killivalavan, requested him earnestly,
“Never I have seen such men of great loyalty, this day, right in presence of your own father, you have raised your sword against your own brother, you have stood by your commitments, you have shown us an act of unsurpassable fidelity, that by, you stand a feet high above the rest, I very humbly bow to you, please do accept my reverence, I see in you the quality that I need the most, an unfailing trust, that you very genuinely posses, and so, in the presence of Siddhar Macham, I offer you a place to my right, please do take it, I will train you to be my man, next in the line.”
Killivalavan looked at his mother, she was speechless, then he looked at his father, he nodded humbly, he looked at Adhavan, he smiled softly, he looked at Muthupandian and Balaraman, tears rolled down their eyes, he looked deep into the eyes of Poncetuceni, it almost gave him a shudder, he then softly said,
“Yes. I will. I will stand by you. I will give my life for you. I place it as a gift upon your feet, for the deep trust you have placed in me.”
Thus on that day, the most unexpected pact was made between two great, rich, souls, prone to last as many lives as they would take together, the pact will remain the same, its a forever relationship that will flourish, keep blossoming in their each and every birth, untampered.
Then Siddhar Macham easing his forehead, looked at Muthupandian and asked, will you also take a vow,
With the tears welling down in his eyes, Muthupandian replied honestly, “Yes Master.”
Siddhar Macham replied softly,
“Don’t leave Velir Thopu for the next 12 Years and don’t partake in any war during that period, you have many more years left in you, you will outlive most of us here, let your soul find some peace in the coming years.”
Without hesitation, he said, “Yes Master. I will. I give my word. I take this vow, let my divine mother Makali be a witness to it.”
Then after a few moments of deep contemplative silence, Muthupandian humbly requested, “I would very much like to meet my kins, can I send for a few of them.”
After a prolonged silence, Siddhar Macham looked above, at the sun, striding majestically right above his head, raised both his hands well above his head, bowed humbly, prayed for a moment, invoked his guru’s blessing, said softly,
“Beyond our cattle filed, next to Rathinamozhian’s farm, you and your kins can toil the rough terrains that stretch till Pari Santhai, cultivate and live on it. In addition, you need to teach the young men of these tribes, few elite soldiers of the Velirs, our traditional martial art, adimurai and its various expressions, silambam, kuthu varsai, adi thadi, varma adi, vasi adi...”
He paused for a moment, then continued,
“More than all that, first go build a small abode near by your dwelling for your divine mother Makali, the one who has given you a second life, and a hut for yourself and Balaraman somewhere near by it.”
The whole gathering was filled with smiles, some even clapped, some whistled, they all became anxious, even Sarutha was up one her feet, jumping and shrieking, it was a joyous moment, a golden one, soon the gathering dispersed, everyone went to their homes with a light, joyful, happy, healthy heart.
Slowly Macham turned around to Poncetuceni, as Adhavan was helping him upon his feet, he whispered in a low coarse voice,
“Take care of Nedunenkilli, he seldom expresses his emotions straight, he controls it madly, in face of guarding his professional attire. He is no more a person you actually see on the outset, literally, he is fuming inside, he neither lets it out, nor pacifies it. Take care of him, let him rest for some time, his strenuous work has almost killed him, he is finding it very difficult to cope with the overwhelming pressure he is burdened with, I suppose he has been spending a lot of time behind his desk, put him in the war front, let him unfurl his repressed emotions, pour out his vengeance in the war field, that at least will do him some good... It’s better that a man earn 1 anna, sleep in peace, all throughout the night, somewhere in the remote corners of a cattle barn, along with goats and cows, be close to god, rather, earn 1000 annas a week, wreck his soul, mind and body, spend sleepless troubled nights, far away from god...”
With Macham leading the front, Poncetuceni to his left, Adhavan to his right, Muthupandian, Killivalavan, Balaraman, followed them religiously, they as a group moved, one in harmony, towards Macham’s hut.
Poncetuceni replied, “Yes Master, Will do.” He paused for a moment, then continued, “Can Killivalavan leave tonight, along with us?”
Macham laughed for a moment, said,
“After the birth of Mathivathani, I was let to wander around like a free man, she had brought with her my freedom, from that day, Sarutha had never questioned my whereabouts, I was allowed to go wherever I wanted to, I was allowed to stay as along as I liked to, I just went home whenever I felt like, to be more precise, very rarely, I spent time with my family, partook in its activities, as you all know, my time is nearing, I have started to spend most of my time in deep samadhis, sooner or later, I may leave completely, I may not return back to this perishable cell, made of flesh, blood and desires, Hence...I hardly knew who is doing what, regarding Killivalavan’s future, Sarutha is the right person you should talk to.”
Killivalavan intervened, “Appa can’t you outlive all of us? Can’t you be with us till we all perish? Can’t you buy some 100 more years? Can’t you...”
Macham interrupted, “Dear, I had enough, I have lived enough, more than enough...” he stopped for a moment, looked at Killivalavan quizzically, then resumed,
“Are these 436 years not enough? You must all bid me farewell, though I will leave my body I will still be with you, I will guard you over all evils, moreover, just because I can become an immortal, doesn’t mean I need to be a one, every fine happening has a reason to it, every single event is bound by the universal laws, there is a genuine rationale behind all of it, nothing eludes natural deterioration, immortality is a science not probed much in the right way, because, a very few knew where to start with it, how to go about it, as it is not a science that you do with a handful of powders and barrels of solutions, the ultimate immortality is a science of the body, the mind and the spirit, less trodden about; less attained; less taught around, seldom few have attained that state, a handful of countable ones, the likes of great four and a few of their disciples, though I possess it by the grace of my guru ,Siddhar Tiger Paws, I am no more interested in it, than him, rather, I would very much enjoy being with my father in heaven, one with him, always, forever. Though it might look selfish, I prefer to be one with god, the almighty, the parabrahmam, of course, I would need each one of your hearty approval, without which, my soul can’t leave this body, I sincerely believe, of all what you have given to me, that you will also grant me my last wish...without any grudges... send me off happily with an abundance of love and hearty wishes... I promise, I will continue to live in all your hearts, forever.”
A deep silence fell over the gathering, Adhavan’s mind raced with so many questions, he wanted to pour out, but kept them aside for private talks, soon the gathering approached Macham’s hut, after a hearty lunch, Sarutha and Poncetuceni discussed about Killivalavan’s future, they jointly steered the course of his life, Balaraman and Muthupandian went around looking for the spot they could raise a small temple for the divine goddess Makali. Sitting on the veranda, next to one another, looking out at the glistening pond, Adhavan along with Macham chewed betel leaves encompassed by nothing but deep silence, an unshakable stillness, slowly, a sense of intimacy grew strongly between them, they felt one, they felt loved, slowly, very slowly, Adhavan brought up the discussion.
No sooner Killivalavan drew himself closer to Nedunenkilli, a gloominess fell over the gathering, an unacceptable silence brooded over everyone's face, the furrows on their forehead deepened further, increased much their worries and anxieties, a perceptible silence engulfed the Maiam, tightened its hold, strangled the trouble brewers, suffocated the meager few, stranded by the occasion, captivated the hearts and minds of the larger many, strewn around by the same occasion, rapidly, a well noticeable change took over Macham, his body grew stiff, a sort of impenetrable hardness crept upon him, the place grew hot, sweltering heat smothered their lungs, sweat rolled down the faces, few of them wiped off their sweat drops, trickling profusely down their foreheads, others let the sizzling heat wash their bodies with their own steaming sweat, Macham’s whole body was set ablaze, it not only effused light, it emanated heat, an unbearable sweltering heat, his body looked red hot, tense, wrought, highly tempered, though he retained his composure, a sense of wrath about to erupt was clearly visible in his forged form and semblance, that evoked deep fear, earnest respect and greater caution, softly murmuring “Om Nama Sivayyyyha” he closed his eyes, his mind halted the same moment, his breathing stopped, his heart ceased to pulsate, everything paused for a moment, from a short distance, he looked alike a burning Panchaloha statue of a siddhar, posed well in a siddhasana, the very split second, he closed his eyes, a mild shivering took over Killivalavan, Nedunenkilli and all of his armed men, slowly the intensity increased, the convulsions shook their whole body spasmically, their arms trembled so fast, that they could hardly hold on to their weapons straight, the shuddering grew further, much further, stronger, at one point, magically, the bows held by Nedunenkilli’s men broke exactly at its center, startled, the shivering men, unable to withhold their shaking arms, rushed towards Nedunenkilli, stood helplessly behind him, with their legs trembling faster than their hearts, seeking a safe haven, still the shuddering rammed their strong bodies, unable to withstand it any further, they looked pleadingly at Macham, threw themselves onto the grounds, sobbed like kids, who lost their way in the middle of a deep, dark forest, what may, the shuddering continued, it grew so much, it made both Nedunenkilli and Killivalavan drop their weapons too, still they were hard on their feet, they stood fixed in their positions, their adamancy knew no limits, they stood firm to their grounds, as though, their standoff was the only way to express their commitment towards their causes; their standpoints; their dignities; their lives, there was much further increase in the tremblings, their whole bodies jolted with heavy convulsions, it grew further, it shook uncontrollably fast, they were thrown to their feet by the supernatural divine force, they quivered terribly under heavy, deadly spasms, they finally yielded, in fact, they were forced to yield, they were forced to forgo their standoff, by the time, the words have spread around, Sarutha and her daughters came running towards the Maiam, looking at the pathetic situation that has befallen both her sons, gasping for breath, she fell a few feet before Siddhar Macham, requesting him to withhold him from lashing out the divine wrath, moved by Sarutha’s pleading, Macham yielded, slowly, very slowly he opened his eyes, the shivering subsided, slowly the sweltering heat eased, a cool breeze caressed the deep furrows of their scorched faces. Both the brothers, though they didn’t realize the level of irrevocable mistakes they have committed, realized the ultimate stupidity they have thrown themselves into, willingly succumbed to the current situation, jointly stepped forward towards Siddhar Macham, sat by his side, in complete reverence, soon Poncetuceni and Adhavan closed around them, along with Muthupandian. Nedunenkilli’s men sat behind the pack, the daughters tried to help Sarutha onto her feet, left without a clue on what had happened, they struggled to find their place in the current turmoil, involuntarily they sat nearby the elderly local women, listening to their version of the recent happenings.
Nedunenkilli broke the silence rather than raising his concern, he put forth a formal petition,
“Please handover Muthupandian to me, he is an outlaw, a fugitive of the state, a much hunted one, condemned to be executed mercilessly at mere sight of him, for the perilous deeds done to our people; our security; our integrity, my order is such that, no sooner I spot him, I am to exterminate him..”
Macham responded softly,
“When you say ‘our people’, do you mean your soldiers, who were killed in the war fighting against him?”
Nedunenkilli felt a hot spear literally spike through his heart, the words spoken by his father almost killed him, he least expected this reply, pondered over a bit, reluctantly muttered,
“Yes, my soldiers are my people, every moment this renegade is alive, he is a dangerous threat to all of us, for the time we spend sabotaging his plans, kill his people, dip ourselves in a pool of their blood, I would forcefully take his life, let hundreds and thousands of his own people live without shedding blood.”
Muthupandian responded furiously, he would have pounced on him, if not for the public gathering he was in,
“So that they can be your slaves, fall to your feet, worship you as lords, for that, my people would prefer being dead, that same moment, that very moment, with all glory and honor.”
Macham looked sternly at Muthupandian for interfering in the discussion that he was not supposed to enter, for talking when he was not supposed to talk, for indulging when he was not supposed to indulge, Nedunenkilli took this chance, tried to provoke him further, politicizing the scene, hastily replied,
“What do you want me to do with such barbaric, uncivilized, brute? How can I leave my mother, my sisters, my brothers, my people, to such a blood thirsty, fanatic?”
Before Muthupandian had time to respond, Macham raised his left hand, stopped him from making any further stupid emotional statements, then he slowly studied Nedunenkilli, found a faint trail of a malicious smile, closing at the thin edges of his thin lips, he drawing a sadistic pleasure in provoking Muthupandian became conspicuous, it lingered in Macham’s mind, he probed further, entered the minds of both Muthupandian and Nedunenkilli, simultaneously. Again an uncomfortable silence fell over the gathering, the heavy silence grew unbearably thick, Macham continued to remain silent, Nedunenkilli unable to read through his father’s mind, with growing impatience lurking behind, threatening to burst out at any given moment, made his earnest second plea, clear and sound, hiding his agitation, well behind his courteous nature,
“He is a convicted war criminal, has strong intentions to raise an army of his own, for which we have a greater amount of proofs, on various dealings he has made so far with various armbands, kings and royal commanders, principally he has almost approached all our arch enemies, his only zeal of his whole life, is to mercilessly crush the armies of our mighty eastern vendhars, nothing would soothe him, nothing, hence I humbly request you to hand him over to me, I will make sure that his death, is smooth, fast, painless...”
Macham replied humbly,
“My son, all true... well said, you have made your point, but still, he is doing the same to his people, the exact of what you are doing at your end, for your people, in fact, both of you are doing the same, for your land; for your country; for your people, in such case why should I allow one to kill the other?”
Nedunenkilli responded with a deadly rage, hidden well behind his thin artificial smile,
“Father it hurts me, when you compare the acts of a mindless deadly fugitive with courageous deeds of our men, solemnize his cruel acts with our men’s acts of valor... how can you do this to us, how can you compare his treachery with our loyalty, how? It hurts...”
Nedunenkilli paused for a moment. Macham took this time, intervened, replied softly,
“It is your perception that needs to change, as like your people, his people are mine too, I see god in each one of them, how will I then allow, both of you to tear apart one another into pieces.”
Baffled by his unpatriotic response, Nedunenkilli said,
“He is a criminal. He has killed our people. He still has the intentions to kill many more.... Then do you really expect me to leave him just like that. Can you prove to me that he is still innocent?”
Relaxed, at ease, Macham continued, “Did he steal our clothes?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he steal our food?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he misbehave with our women?”
Nedunenkilli replied, “No”
Macham asked, “Did he kill our civilians?”
Nedunenkilli replied,
“No! No! No! But he has literally killed thousands and thousands of our men, our soldiers, our people... our own people... by letting him live, I am allowing the death of thousands more.”
Macham replied,
“Are you talking about war ethics? Are we at war? At our place, at the gathering that has flocked around me, at Velir Thopu... Are we at war? There aren’t any wars going on here...any...isn’t it?”
Nedunenkilli made a counter argument,
“No, but the peace exists, because we exterminate such weeds, that kill our peace, that had killed our peace in the past, they are just to be uprooted, the same moment, the same instant they are spotted.”
Macham worried about not reaching a consensus agreement, the sensible strategical avoidance played by Nedunenkilli, while talking about the impact of the past crimes, that day’s problem, the present situations, were really annoying, his peculiar unending repetitive discussions about the supposed reasons and the causes attributed to the most probable deaths, in the most probable future war, seemed to be completely ridiculous, single pointed, non-negotiable, cyclic argument, it would be really meaningless, any further, even to make a small advance, a reasonable argument, in that direction, so as to avoid further conflicts, easing the deep furrows on his high forehead, after a very long time, Macham put it straight and hard,
“Firstly, I don’t agree to it. Secondly, Why did you bring your men, expose your arrogance, borne out of the high rank given to you in the army, that too before the civilians, especially over a man whom I have taken as my disciple? The matters should be discussed in privacy, civilians should not be affected by it, don’t you know that, weren’t you, the elite of the elite soldiers, taught the civilized way?”
Nedunenkilli was taken back by the response, the insult laid upon him and his men was severe and painful, more than that, his father never used to take disciples, he wasn’t in need of them, they were in need of him, even once, he has ignored him as well as his eldest brother, Kathirvalavan’s request, then how come, he chose one of the state’s arch enemy, as his disciple, clinging on to his last words, he kept repeatedly saying that to himself, over and again, “Disciple! Disciple! Disciple!”
Macham very well understood the thoughts racking Nedunenkilli’s troubled mind, his lame justifications based on innate patriotism, seemed to be meaningless, the intensity of his affection for his family; his people, is questionable too, what he feels for them is more a filial duty, a kinship, a family pride, than love, in the eyes of the Siddhars, in Siddhars Macham’s perspective, all people are kins, all lands are god’s land, they don’t have any prejudices, they don’t have any racial discriminations, that doesn’t mean, they don’t discern between good and bad, in fact, they very much segregate people based on their virtues and their inherent goodness, unable either to comprehend the universal brotherhood or sense the goodness in one’s heart, Nedunenkilli desperately tried to find a rationale behind his father’s unscrupulous act, taking a disciple from a different sect; a different land; a different blood.
Allowing some time for the thoughts to sink into him, Macham spoke very softly,
“If I give my word, an assurance that he will not participate in the wars against eastern vendhars, will you leave him without harming him?”
The words rather than pacifying him, literally killed Nedunenkilli, it threw him into darkness, a void, a deep abyss, more than the rationale behind it, he clung to his emotions, he wasn’t able to tolerate his father giving so much of importance to a renegade, everything seemed to fall apart. The ethics, the morality, he was so strongly grounded to, seemed to vanish right under his feet, disappear into thin air, he desperately tried to grab onto something strong, something that will tell him on his face, strongly, that he is righteous, that he is ethical, that he is rational, but he felt empty inside, blank, lonely, insecure. After a short pause, gathering back his senses, not knowing what to do, how to proceed further, how to think beyond the circle he has drawn around himself, like an adamant child, he obstinately circled around the same point again and again, blabbered loudly, unconvincingly,
“Dear pa, the war is over, we are not at war, we have won it, but it may very much happen again, he might be your disciple now, then he might join the war when it happens, so he is a wanted man by the army, who has trespassed our region, as per the King’s high command, he has to be killed that immediate moment he is found.”
Siddhar Macham found himself helpless, he could either infuse his thoughts into him, which would demean him from a standpoint of a rational human being into a lower level of an irrational being or take away the decision making responsibility from him, shoulder it on himself, making it easy, making it less burdensome, hence this time, rather than trying to explain to him patiently, he moved onto issuing commands, he ordered him sternly,
“If the war is over, then why are you waging a war again? Go tell your kings the war is over, no more blood sheds, and this is Velir Thopu, you know, you can’t wage a war here, without Velir Royals permission. Please leave now.”
Poncetuceni can’t help laughing at the wisdom in Siddhar Macham’s words, though he is a superior to Nedunenkilli, he laughed openly, that suited well his disposition, but obviously insulted the man caught in set of arguments that he doesn’t have a control over.
Nedunenkilli controlled his wrath, bit his lower lips, his face frowned heavily, he almost spat venom, said harshly,
“What may? The army will find a way to get to him soon.”
Saying that, he left at the same speed he came in, his men followed him, before he could alight his horse, he stopped for a moment, looked back sharply, into the beautiful dove shaped eyes of Poncetuceni, said loud and clear,
“Lord, Senathipathi Poncetuceni, as per your command, I have tracked the whereabouts of our land's most wanted fugitive, Muthupandian, but I have failed in capturing him alive or dead, as he his being harbored under the guise of a disciple by your guru, Siddhar Macham at Velir Thopu. Will present a formal report of our endeavors, at your court, in the presence of your men.”
Except Macham, everyone's face turned towards Poncetuceni, he took that very lightly, looked at Killivalavan, requested him earnestly,
“Never I have seen such men of great loyalty, this day, right in presence of your own father, you have raised your sword against your own brother, you have stood by your commitments, you have shown us an act of unsurpassable fidelity, that by, you stand a feet high above the rest, I very humbly bow to you, please do accept my reverence, I see in you the quality that I need the most, an unfailing trust, that you very genuinely posses, and so, in the presence of Siddhar Macham, I offer you a place to my right, please do take it, I will train you to be my man, next in the line.”
Killivalavan looked at his mother, she was speechless, then he looked at his father, he nodded humbly, he looked at Adhavan, he smiled softly, he looked at Muthupandian and Balaraman, tears rolled down their eyes, he looked deep into the eyes of Poncetuceni, it almost gave him a shudder, he then softly said,
“Yes. I will. I will stand by you. I will give my life for you. I place it as a gift upon your feet, for the deep trust you have placed in me.”
Thus on that day, the most unexpected pact was made between two great, rich, souls, prone to last as many lives as they would take together, the pact will remain the same, its a forever relationship that will flourish, keep blossoming in their each and every birth, untampered.
Then Siddhar Macham easing his forehead, looked at Muthupandian and asked, will you also take a vow,
With the tears welling down in his eyes, Muthupandian replied honestly, “Yes Master.”
Siddhar Macham replied softly,
“Don’t leave Velir Thopu for the next 12 Years and don’t partake in any war during that period, you have many more years left in you, you will outlive most of us here, let your soul find some peace in the coming years.”
Without hesitation, he said, “Yes Master. I will. I give my word. I take this vow, let my divine mother Makali be a witness to it.”
Then after a few moments of deep contemplative silence, Muthupandian humbly requested, “I would very much like to meet my kins, can I send for a few of them.”
After a prolonged silence, Siddhar Macham looked above, at the sun, striding majestically right above his head, raised both his hands well above his head, bowed humbly, prayed for a moment, invoked his guru’s blessing, said softly,
“Beyond our cattle filed, next to Rathinamozhian’s farm, you and your kins can toil the rough terrains that stretch till Pari Santhai, cultivate and live on it. In addition, you need to teach the young men of these tribes, few elite soldiers of the Velirs, our traditional martial art, adimurai and its various expressions, silambam, kuthu varsai, adi thadi, varma adi, vasi adi...”
He paused for a moment, then continued,
“More than all that, first go build a small abode near by your dwelling for your divine mother Makali, the one who has given you a second life, and a hut for yourself and Balaraman somewhere near by it.”
The whole gathering was filled with smiles, some even clapped, some whistled, they all became anxious, even Sarutha was up one her feet, jumping and shrieking, it was a joyous moment, a golden one, soon the gathering dispersed, everyone went to their homes with a light, joyful, happy, healthy heart.
Slowly Macham turned around to Poncetuceni, as Adhavan was helping him upon his feet, he whispered in a low coarse voice,
“Take care of Nedunenkilli, he seldom expresses his emotions straight, he controls it madly, in face of guarding his professional attire. He is no more a person you actually see on the outset, literally, he is fuming inside, he neither lets it out, nor pacifies it. Take care of him, let him rest for some time, his strenuous work has almost killed him, he is finding it very difficult to cope with the overwhelming pressure he is burdened with, I suppose he has been spending a lot of time behind his desk, put him in the war front, let him unfurl his repressed emotions, pour out his vengeance in the war field, that at least will do him some good... It’s better that a man earn 1 anna, sleep in peace, all throughout the night, somewhere in the remote corners of a cattle barn, along with goats and cows, be close to god, rather, earn 1000 annas a week, wreck his soul, mind and body, spend sleepless troubled nights, far away from god...”
With Macham leading the front, Poncetuceni to his left, Adhavan to his right, Muthupandian, Killivalavan, Balaraman, followed them religiously, they as a group moved, one in harmony, towards Macham’s hut.
Poncetuceni replied, “Yes Master, Will do.” He paused for a moment, then continued, “Can Killivalavan leave tonight, along with us?”
Macham laughed for a moment, said,
“After the birth of Mathivathani, I was let to wander around like a free man, she had brought with her my freedom, from that day, Sarutha had never questioned my whereabouts, I was allowed to go wherever I wanted to, I was allowed to stay as along as I liked to, I just went home whenever I felt like, to be more precise, very rarely, I spent time with my family, partook in its activities, as you all know, my time is nearing, I have started to spend most of my time in deep samadhis, sooner or later, I may leave completely, I may not return back to this perishable cell, made of flesh, blood and desires, Hence...I hardly knew who is doing what, regarding Killivalavan’s future, Sarutha is the right person you should talk to.”
Killivalavan intervened, “Appa can’t you outlive all of us? Can’t you be with us till we all perish? Can’t you buy some 100 more years? Can’t you...”
Macham interrupted, “Dear, I had enough, I have lived enough, more than enough...” he stopped for a moment, looked at Killivalavan quizzically, then resumed,
“Are these 436 years not enough? You must all bid me farewell, though I will leave my body I will still be with you, I will guard you over all evils, moreover, just because I can become an immortal, doesn’t mean I need to be a one, every fine happening has a reason to it, every single event is bound by the universal laws, there is a genuine rationale behind all of it, nothing eludes natural deterioration, immortality is a science not probed much in the right way, because, a very few knew where to start with it, how to go about it, as it is not a science that you do with a handful of powders and barrels of solutions, the ultimate immortality is a science of the body, the mind and the spirit, less trodden about; less attained; less taught around, seldom few have attained that state, a handful of countable ones, the likes of great four and a few of their disciples, though I possess it by the grace of my guru ,Siddhar Tiger Paws, I am no more interested in it, than him, rather, I would very much enjoy being with my father in heaven, one with him, always, forever. Though it might look selfish, I prefer to be one with god, the almighty, the parabrahmam, of course, I would need each one of your hearty approval, without which, my soul can’t leave this body, I sincerely believe, of all what you have given to me, that you will also grant me my last wish...without any grudges... send me off happily with an abundance of love and hearty wishes... I promise, I will continue to live in all your hearts, forever.”
A deep silence fell over the gathering, Adhavan’s mind raced with so many questions, he wanted to pour out, but kept them aside for private talks, soon the gathering approached Macham’s hut, after a hearty lunch, Sarutha and Poncetuceni discussed about Killivalavan’s future, they jointly steered the course of his life, Balaraman and Muthupandian went around looking for the spot they could raise a small temple for the divine goddess Makali. Sitting on the veranda, next to one another, looking out at the glistening pond, Adhavan along with Macham chewed betel leaves encompassed by nothing but deep silence, an unshakable stillness, slowly, a sense of intimacy grew strongly between them, they felt one, they felt loved, slowly, very slowly, Adhavan brought up the discussion.
(To be continued...)
Written on Dates: 08/18-08/21
Chapter 01 The Realization of the Vocation
Chapter 02 The First Glimpse of the Third Eye
Chapter 03 The Complete Surrender
Chapter 04 The Sacredness of the Divine Incarnation
Chapter 05 The Veneration of a Guru
Chapter 06 The Immortality
Chapter 07 The Art of Dying
Chapter 08 The Good Cause
Chapter 09 The First Dissemination
Chapter 10 The One behind the Spiritual Transformation
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions
Chapter 12 The Insight of the Divine Lamp
Chapter 13 The Great Four
Chapter 13 The Great Four
Chapter 14 The Final Samadhi
Chapter 15 The Blossoming Love
Chapter 16 The Divine Intervention
Chapter 17 The Second Dissemination
Chapter 15 The Blossoming Love
Chapter 16 The Divine Intervention
Chapter 17 The Second Dissemination
Chapter 18 The Fusion and Beyond
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