Adhavan (19): The Fusion and Beyond

Chapter 18: The Fusion and Beyond

With him, in him, through him...

Translation

The sun and the moon together, even beyond it,

Squeeze, climb up the dazzling path, the truth, it stood close to

Anchored within one letter, in that incomparable space

The ones who can remain so, are never born again.

—Siddhar Sivavakkiyar Hymn (192)

The light, the sound, the sense, are the three vital phenomena through which mankind relates to God in full fledge; listens to him uninhibited; rejoices with him all along, day and night; converses with him at any moment, on any subject, from anywhere; harmonizes with him, one in union, one with all, unbiased; sees him completely naked, in full delight, in full glory, in full reverence; this inherent sensuous responsiveness, the mankind possesses age-long, is still elusive, uncomprehensive, inscrutable, beyond the grasp of rationalization, human minds are confined and conditioned to, dumped, waved off as worthless talks; meaningless garbage; foolish arguments; uncivilized blind-beliefs, has the grand truth, the vital source, the life form, the beat of the soul, inconspicuously hidden in it, gravely, to pertain, to absorb, to decipher its nature, it should be seen, heard and sensed, not with eyes, neither with ears, nor with flesh, rather, should be seen, in the form of the light; heard, in the form of the sound; sensed, in the form of touch, immensely by the soul, well, within the human body, apparently not outside the body, notably, this preliminary, archaic necessity, is the starting point of any spiritual journey, all other external devotions, fundamentals, rituals, tapas, poojas, yoga, pilgrimages, prayers, renunciations, karma yoga, abstinence, etc. are basically designed in good spirit, to attain the very needed, the most important, the preliminary state; the natural convergence of the human mind on the inner self, then comes the sustenance part, the most difficult one, being in the state, beyond time and space, forever, or attaining the ability to get to that state by the sheer exertion of one’s will, at any place, at any time, at any moment, is the culmination of the journey, wherein, the veil between the God and the subject has been torn off completely, in fact, destroyed, burnt, for that is not needed anymore, owing to the complete spiritual transformation attained, immortality achieved, to be precise, thy have become God, the God; the pinnacle of human excellence, a birth of a new unexplored journey, the untraveled path, for almost everyone, but for seldom few, who born as men, have raised themselves to God, in all due rights, in all due diligence, in all due respect.

It was very late when the gathering started to leave from Thavamedu, almost everyone of them left in peace, with a light heart, filled bellies, divine blessings, there were a few more, who were still sitting around Siddhar Macham, engrossed in deep thoughts, involved in serious talks, it might take an hour or more for them to take leave, in line, there were few more men, who might have a few words with Macham, in person, before they would take leave too, at the remote corners of the tent, meager few were scattered around, might be, they were from far off places, obviously, they have come here by foot, so they might wait, leave early morning, after a good night’s sleep, hopefully, he would be relieved in another few hours of time. During certain auspicious days, the crowd had literally squeezed in, events had gone out of control, Macham would attend each and every one of them painstakingly, on such days, the occasion would stretch till the next day noon, in certain cases, it would stretch further till the next day midnight, Sarutha hoped Macham would have some rest soon, then she focused on the work ahead, soon, herself, her sons, her daughters, her maids, started packing up things, loaded them on to the bullock carts, organized for the return journey, on seeing Macham, still being held in the discussions, she sent away the party, waited for him patiently, along with Adhavan, Killivalavan and a few of her sons, scattered all around her, drifting into a deep solid sleep.

At the remote corners of the tent, amidst engulfing darkness, Patabiraman was hiding nervously behind Balaraman, he was not able to accept being disparaged by Siddhar Macham, that too in a public gathering, before little kids, in the presence of his peers, it was a mighty blow, on his self, on his pride, on his social status, he was trying to get into terms with it, his mind raced for justification, that he could muster of, that could answer for the wretched state he was thrown into, he felt really miserable, awkward, embarrassed to the core, he didn’t have the heart to approach him again, in light, amidst pool of surrounding men, owing to the fear of being intentionally ignored, mercilessly forsaken, rejected again, in fact, he hid himself behind his assistant, to evade the onlookers, the crowd, the pestering people, ready to growl and snarl at his open, fresh wound, especially their sympathetic glances of pity, that would tear open his wound every time to see, how the wound was inflicted; to know, how it happened, the history of it;  to poke, to see, if it is still hurting; to understand, the level of pain he has gone through, he has to bear; to preach, how to cope with such bad times; to teach, how he should respond during such miserable conditions; to judge, if he was right or wrong, such horrendous thoughts raced his mind, he felt dizzy, a sense of nausea took over him, he felt like vomiting, for the first time in his life, he hid from the crowd, from the people, from the mass, from the same people, whom he wanted to flock around in multitude; look up to him for all their problems, in reverence, in praise of him, just this, one simple unscrupulous act by Siddhar Macham has landed him in complete misery, a great emotional turmoil, that he is still finding difficult to digest, he would need, not only ample time, to get away from it, but come into terms with the humiliations levied upon him, he would need a good solid reason behind the unmannerly, uncivilized, barbaric, egoistic, arrogant disposition towards him, he need to justify himself, he needs to prove to the Siddhar, that he is man of right breed, right knowledge, right attitude, he decided to somehow find some time alone with him, pour his heart out, earnestly request him for the divine revelation, guide him in his spiritual path, take him as his disciple, nothing would soothe him, than his own kind words, his own gentle touch, his own hearty blessings. He anxiously waited for the right moment, when the last man would leave the tent, he would sprint to him, fall to his feet, beg him, to help him out of the emotional turmoil, the mental depression, he was subjected into. With the burning rage, bitter humiliation, he looked at his assistant, Balaraman, 79 years old, poor widower, a pious old man, left with nothing, but sincere devotion to Lord Rama, who came to him with empty hands, he was generous enough to take him in, give him food and shelter, use him as his assistant, though he didn’t use him for his scholarly activities, during his long visits, to far off places, which he often does, he took him along with him, allowed him to wash his laundry, cook his food, make his bed, clean his sandals, arrange his manuscripts, help him with his daily chores, he made him to be a man of his good intentions, good will, great generosity, Balaraman though older than him, did whatever he was bid to do, without any grievances, without any grudges, soon he became indispensable to Patabiraman, but today’s happening made Patabiraman raise his eyebrows, his mind raced with one question, just one question, that haunted him throughout this miserable, long, tiresome night, it loomed in his mind, from the very moment Siddhar gave Balaraman, a handful of fresh, fragrant Jasmine, “Why did he choose Balaraman over me? Why?” Whatever useless answer he was able to come up with, neither satisfied Patabiraman’s intriguing mind, nor satisfied his restless, greedy soul, he kept on pondering over it, every time he saw his assistant Balaraman, that too with his palm-sized, drawstring pouch, which had that handful of jasmine given to him by the Siddhar, his soul writhed with thousand stabs, thousand pains, in front of  hundreds of men, Siddhar Macham has knowingly ignored him, intentionally chose Balaraman over him, gave him a handful of fresh, fragrant Jasmine, right before him, overtaking him, the though of it literally squeezed his heart, crushed it mercilessly, his pain was growingly unbearable, every time someone looked at him, he felt insulted, he hid behind his assistant Balaraman, all unscrupulous thoughts crowded his mind, it even urged him to commit suicide, he sulked before all of them, even if they were not genuinely interested in knowing about it, he avoided them, every one of them, each one of them, for the fear of being cornered by them, requesting for an explanation, may ask him, that unwanted question, that he didn’t want to hear, that would smother him, that would kill him, “Why did Siddhar ignore you?” He wanted to run away from the tent, hid himself behind a tree, safe, where he won’t need to face those pathetic glances, filled with sympathy, especially from the folks, who were much much lower than his social status; from those ignoble fools, lower by birth, lower by knowledge, lower by profession, lower by material wealth, lower by everything that he had earned in this world, that he had gained by birth, it is a stain, an unremovable stain, Siddhar Macham has smeared on him intentionally, which in fact, he knew very well, inflicted by him, knowingly, in his full self awareness, that unbearable pain, that stifling anguish, that poignant tragedy, he is going through right now, just rose and become almost impossible to be borne anymore, whenever someone came close to him, whenever someone talked to him, whenever someone looked in his direction, the question rammed his mind, Ah! every moment of it was painful, humiliating, defeating, but he has decided to get an answer for it, he can’t go around with this pain, he can’t bear it anymore, he needed an answer, he chose to approach him straight, fall to his feet, seek his forgiveness, request him for the reason, for his uncourteous disposition towards him, with that in the mind, avoiding people around, counting every second, he painfully waited for the right moment, he can meet with Siddhar Macham, in person, all alone.

Midnight stealthily passed away, sunrise was fast approaching, the last man too had left the grounds happily, Macham was all alone, that was the time Patabiraman was exactly looking for, when he was about to approach him, Macham laid back flat on the grounds, stretched his muscles, let out a mild sigh, closed his eyes, pretended to have fallen asleep, again, this time too, he had deliberately avoided him, it hurt him very deeply, despicable feelings lingered in his heart, tears rolled down his eyes, owing to multiple rejections, he almost fainted on the grounds, slowly, a sweet sleep swept over him, that was in fact heavenly, he slept peacefully at the feet of his assistant Balaraman, instantaneously, the same moment Patabiraman has slept off, Siddhar Macham got up, looked in his direction, satisfied that he has slept, he pulled himself up, the next moment Sarutha was on her feet, leaving the tent to her sons, sleeping all around, they left together, they walked along side one another, under the blissful moonlight, with sweet little conversations, meager two to three words, some smiles, some laughs, some kind words, some gentle embraces, that was the time they had together, for one another, of all the day’s events, surprisingly, even their kids were not around them, well encompassed in one another’s love and warmth, filled with deep satisfaction, the blessed couple reached their pleasant home, Macham rested on the veranda, Sarutha went into the hut for a short doze, though she was the last one to go to the bed, she will be the first one to wake up, early in the morning, get things rolling for the next day.

The only man who was awake, throughout the night was Balaraman, though his knowledge and expertise on all four vedas, holy scriptures, mantras were profound enough to run on his own, in fact, much better, much more experienced, well-versed than Patabiraman, he hid all of that, well behind his pious outlook, a genuine humble disposition, though he can recite all four vedas by heart, he still found himself unworthy, incompetent, uncivilized, even to earnestly request for divine experiences. In accordance with the way of his life, to relish over the divine grace, to realize his true self, as a part of his daily routine, he has been reciting “Sri Rudram” daily, “Lalitha Sahasranamam” on every Friday, “Vishnu Sahasranamam” on all Tuesdays and Saturdays, then occasionally, he would recite other mantras, sometimes "Devi Mahatmyam", as per the demand of the situation and the availability of time, an appreciable, admirable habit, that he landed upon, very early in his life, from the time he was aware of; a habit inculcated in him, by his father, that still sustained in him, amidst many unavoidable situations, heartbreaking occasions, memorable events; an impeccable habit, very deeply ingrained in him, from a very young age; a respectable tradition that somehow continued in him, remarkably, unbroken, amidst all hardships, difficult situations; in spite of all valid reasons one could come up with, miraculously, somehow he always found time, even among the most tiring situations, even on the such days like this, it gave him vigor, clarity, serenity, humbleness and joy, he lived an absolutely healthy life, no wonder, he has never been sick, for almost 45 years, in a stretch, purely because of his way of life. He looked at the moon, playing hide and seek with the dark clouds, he left Patabiraman, undisturbed, letting him to continue with his peaceful sleep, he knew the pain he was going through, but he knew about him very well, if he would intervene in his affairs, counsel him, he would take it wrongly, he would feel really offended, for being advised by him, to him, he is just an assistant, in fact, much lower than that, a servant, a worthless one, a loathsome fool, born in his highly respectable society, good for nothing fellow, there wasn’t much he could do in such situations, that too for Patabiraman's attitude towards him, he left him stealthily, as he crossed the tent, he came across Adhavan, he was deep asleep, he took this chance to get close to him, his eyes traversed all over his body, studied his features carefully, his feet, thighs, waist, palms, arms, chest, eyes, nose, ears, everything, every fine, delicate features in his body, was touched by Balaraman’s steady, intentful gaze, he was magically pulled towards him, mesmerized, he continued to stare at his remarkable handsome face, a faint smile appeared on it, scared, he ran away from him, for the fear of waking him up, he hid himself behind the tent, from there, he looked at him again, from a short distance, he felt an unfathomable joy, a childlike innocent happiness overwhelmed his soft heart, tears of joy rolled down his face, he muttered, “Ram, Ram”, it just blurted out of him, just like that, he wanted to give that sweet child something, something that would make him happier, that would adorn him, that would make him stronger, that would give him much strength to continue his journey, with such strong emotions, he stepped out of the tent, after attending to his needs, he bathed in the pond, came out, found some remote place in the forest, stared chanting “Lalitha Sahasranamam”.

The rising sun gently stroked Balaraman, woke him up from the deep trance, he was thrown into, by the enchanting mantras, the due effects of Lalitha Sahasranamam read in one full stretch, he looked at the glorious sun, took a deep breath in, raised his arms to his chest, closed his palms, bowed in devotion, in reverence to the rising sun, he then, rushed towards the tent, it was being removed by Adhavan, Killivalavan and his brothers. Patabiraman was standing at the edge of the road, looking out in the direction of Siddhar Macham’s hut, though he was ready for the day, his face was bruised with agony; wracked by frustration; swollen, beaten by humiliation and defeat, slowly, Balaraman approached him, stood behind him, Patabiraman, unable to contain his emotions anymore, vented it out on him, blasted him horrendously, despite the fact, he was there, well before time, by his side, ready to serve him, but then, unheeding, he yelled at him, as though his mere presence was the cause of his present hangdog state, he tried to blame him, for every single bad thing that happened to him from yesterday night, cursing himself, cursing Balaraman, he led the front, walked fast hurriedly, not because he had in him, an imminent rush to meet Siddhar Macham, it is because he wasn’t able to stand the presence of Balaraman anymore, he wasn’t able to tolerate his voice, he very much wanted to get rid of him, sooner the better, he cursed himself for hiring him, that ungrateful, obnoxious pig, the thought of him getting a handful of Jasmine always lingered in his mind, it evoked in him, a repulsive, disgusting, mixed feeling of hatred and jealousy, he wanted to get rid of it, get rid of every single rotten thing thrown at him, he wanted to shrug off the loads of shit dumped on him, that ran all over him, suffocating him, stinking on him, that wetted all his heart, his mind, his soul, all of him, it was a nauseating, repulsive, third rated experience, suddenly, he hated everything; the place; the people; the life; even himself, he felt really miserable, disheartened, totally broken, gradually, a cold silence fell over him, throughout out the downhill walk, they never talked again, a strong wall has been clearly erected between them, they reached Macham’s hut, their relationship has almost ended. For the one who can see through all of this, will for sure appreciate the wisdom behind it, the relationship severance, is the most valuable gift, by Siddhar Macham to both of them, Balaraman will be homeless again, Patabiraman, will never ever try to get close to Siddhar Macham again, all this for coming to meet a Siddhar, on a full moon day.

Siddhar Macham was sitting relaxed, in a siddhasana, on the veranda, chewing betel leaves along with a few betel nuts and a small pinch of slaked lime, often sucking in the rejuvenating juice, he never spat it out, he sucked in the vitalizing vapor; ingested it; felt it; allowed it to mix with his breath; inhaled it deeply; traced it back to the crown of his head; relaxed, exhaled it; then either swallowed the juice along with the pulp or continued to chew the betel leaves, he thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, in full awareness, he did it with so much of fervor and bliss, it made everyone else there to salivate, pick up few betel leaves, chew it out for themselves, trying to go through whatever he was going through, but in vain, they were never able to trace it back to their souls, do it out from there, derive ultimate pleasure from one’s senses, he taught them, but they never learnt how to maximize one’s pleasure, right out of their bodily sense’s, rather, they literally followed him, did whatever he did externally, but never once they replicated his state of mind, he lingered upon, no one got it right, not even once, not even a percent anywhere near to it, soon people started flocking around him, they seldom disturbed him, no one got close to him, no one sat anywhere next to him, for the fear of disrupting the harmony he was fully relishing on, that was the time Patabiraman saw him, that same moment tears rolled out of his eyes uncontrollably, he prostrated before him, cried aloud,

“Lord, what mistake did I make, for you to avoid me so mercilessly, please do bless me, my heart is pure, I don’t have anything against you, you know that well, I will not get up until you bless me, I will not get up until you speak to me, I will not get up...”

He sobbed heavily, he didn’t get up, he held onto Macham’s feet tight, continued to whimper, Siddhar Macham didn’t heed to anything he was uttering, he remained aloof, he continued to stare emptily into the space right before him, a stranger would have thought Siddhar Macham to be blind, deaf and dumb, not to be moved by the cries, such heart moving words, uttered by Patabiraman, it even became growingly difficult for Balaraman to remain silent, he looked at Siddhar Macham pleadingly, requesting him, either to bless him or chase them both away, this terrible silence was becoming unbearably painful than being insulted openly by words.

The pond far ahead was so busy, people have started to come in and go, from here, it looked very beautiful, a typical shining globulet, glistening in the morning sunlight, here and there, around that glittering silver drop, women who were greedy enough to silver plate the whole length of their bodies, immersed themselves multiple times, in that pool of silver, their greed knew no bounds, unsatisfied with the coating of their bodies alone, they rapaciously dipped their clothes, their kids, their utensils, their baskets, even their husbands, some went to an extent of even filling their pitchers with that dazzling, molten silver, they were not satisfied until every tiny item they possessed were silver plated, except a few items which they safely placed on the pond steps, before stepping into the pond, might be, they could either be costlier than silver or simply a perishable useless item, that won’t last long, even if coated multiple times, none of them seemed to really care about the happenings at Macham’s hut, might be, they didn’t see what was happening there; they didn’t hear what was being said at this end. Time had gone by, almost half an hour had passed away, Siddhar Macham continued to chew the betel leaves slowly, relishing every bit of it, in total serenity, never once he looked down at Patabiraman, lying flat before him, nor did he look at others, it was like, to him, they were not there at all, drained of all his tears, thus have emptied his emotions, but for the adamancy left with, Patabiraman was still on the floor, face down, unyielding, he didn’t get up, neither Macham, nor Balaraman tried to soothe him, none of the others there, tried to sedate him, nothing was done to him, unasked for, he was left to cry for himself, as much he wanted, on his own, slowly, people started coming around, some inquisitive about the happenings around, some to spend time with Siddhar Macham, some to partake in the discourses, some for food, some for passing time, the list went on, so many people with so many different types of interests, flocked around Macham’s hut, Rathinamozhian came along with Muthupandian, his wife and his kids, they sat beside Balaraman, his wife and kids went into the hut, slowly others started pouring in, Adhavan came with Killivalavan, sat beside Siddhar Macham. Koperunkilli, Kathirnindravalavan, Senthamizhmozhian, Perunenkilli, Poncetuceni and Thendrankilli came as a group, sat behind Rathinamozhian, Nedunenkilli can be expected at any moment, he is known for making surprise visits, his other sons and followers must have left late night or early in the morning, some of the tribal men, local chieftains, few landlords from the nearby plains, came in a bit late, sat behind everyone there, occupying the last row. Almost an hour as passed by, still Siddhar Macham ignored Patabiraman, it was just like, he was literally absent in the group, though he was right before them, lying flat before Macham, none of them dared to intervene, request Siddhar Macham, to attend to him, some sympathized, “Ah! What a wretched position Patabiraman has thrown himself into?”, some whispered, “Why pa is so hard on him?”, unable to remain silent, the gathering conspired, slowly the gossip spread around, they tried to fabricate reasons for Siddhar Macham’s behavior, each came up with a reason, some mutilated that reasons, some tried to justify it, soon they elevated themselves to become judges, they started judging, Who is right? Who is wrong?, it went on, all of them gossiped, except the four, Adhavan, Killivalavan, Balaraman and Muthupandian, others gossiped, as much as they liked, letting their imagination spread wings, they even started taking sides, some for Siddhar Macham, some for Patabiraman, it all looked completely ridiculous, a grandiose nonsense. As like, just to break the silence, Sarutha came out, along a with her daughter in law, Veeramangai, served bowls of ragi porridge, with fried buttermilk chillies and Indian crunchies, to all of the men grouped around, even, the womenfolk, well aware of the happening around, didn’t serve Patabiraman, leaving him unattended, they went inside the hut, after handing over the utensil, still half of it, full with ragi porridge, to one of the tribal men there, to serve if needed.

The pond was almost empty now, but for a few heads scattered around, hither and thither, the steps were washed clean, it looked soft, glistened brightly in the morning sun, Macham got up, ordered Adhavan and Killivalavan to light a lamp in the middle step, at its center, instructed Muthupandian and Balaraman to assist them, then leaving Patabiraman, where he was, letting him to solve his own problems, that weren’t actually problems, he went to the pond, bathed in it for a while, in the mean time, the foursome were running around, collecting various items, required to light a single lamp, others stood witness to the happenings around. Killivalavan and Adhavan went inside the hut, took a single faceted lamp, some paddy grains, turmeric powder, sandal powder, kumkum, cotton wick, ghee, a burning oil lamp, with all necessary items, they came to the pond, by the time Muthupandian and Balaraman have washed all the steps again, on the middle step, at its center, Adhavan applied semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste, formed a clear circle, a bit larger than the base of the lamp, at its center, he applied kumkum, over which he heaped handful of paddy grains, adjusted it to fall within the circle, Killivalavan worked on the lamp, he applied the same, semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste on its base and head, placed kumkum at their centers, placed it over the heap of paddy grains, balanced it well, then he rolled the wick tightly between his palms, smoothened its edges by rolling it fine between his index and thumb finger, adjusted it very fine, placed it inside the lamp, with the smoothened edge, slightly protruding out at the head, the remaining part of it wrapped around in neat coils, that rested beautifully like a snake in a silent brumation, Adhavan poured diluted ghee onto it, Balaraman and Muthupandian brought, handful of wild flowers, placed it all around the lamp, then they anxiously waited for Siddhar Macham to come out of the pond, to light it, no sooner they finished arranging it, Macham came out of the pond, waved at Adhavan, the gesture was a simple instruction, asking him to light the lamp, he looked at the sun, chanted “Ommmm”, loud and clear, from deep within, he looked at the sun again, continued chanting, took fire using a cotton wick, from the burning oil lamp, kept nearby, lit the decorated ghee lamp, it burnt brightly, the crowd chanted along with him, the whole place was filled with the sound “Ommmmmmm”, it echoed everywhere, reverberated all over Velir Thopu.

Then he asked Balaraman and Muthupandian to sit on the last step, both of them sat in padmasana facing Macham, their legs was caressed by smooth waves, that gently surfaced, flushed, danced in tune with the wind, Macham sent Killivalavan for a small pitcher, went into the pond, a few paces from where they were sitting, lower part of his body was fully immersed in the water, he looked at the sun, raised his hands above his head, closed his palms, stood still for a few moments, invoked his guru’s blessings, Adhavan involuntarily closed his eyes, from deep inside, he looked at the pond, he saw few tigers at the shores, a heavily built, ruthless, terrifying man with broad shoulders, strong arms, tiger paws, blazing eyes, stood majestically, right at the position where Siddhar Macham was standing, a King cobra of immeasurable length circled him, at an unimaginable speed, it hissed furiously, his heart pounded, simultaneously, he heard a faint roar of a ferocious tiger, from somewhere very nearby, a chillness went through him, he shuddered, opened his eyes, saw Siddhar Macham still in the same position, Killivalavan was rushing to him with a small pitcher made of copper, Adhavan joined him, Macham went few more steps inside the pond, accompanied by Killivalavan and Adhavan, took the empty pitcher from Killivalavan, filled it with the pond water, poured the first one on himself, the next one on Adhavan, the third one on Killivalavan, the fourth one he brought it to the pair, poured it on Muthupandian, the water smoothly fell on the crown of his head, he went into the pond again, brought the fifth one, poured it softly on Balaraman, handed over the empty pitcher to Killivalavan, continued to chant “Ommm”, throughout the occasion, the crowd chanted along with him, as Killivalavan handed over the filled pitchers, he poured it on both of them, one after another, as much as he wanted, Adhavan stood by Macham’s left, with semi diluted, turmeric-sandal paste and kumkum, he continued to chant his traditional, specific, lengthier, “Ommmmmmm”, satisfied with the abhishekam, he moved on to the next stage, he worked on the varmam points, he first applied semi diluted turmeric sandal paste, he started with the right hand, gently applied it over the center of the upper right palm, smoothly pulled it straight, till the joints of the right shoulders, slowly brought it down to the center of the chest, stopped it there, applied kumkum at the center of the right palm, then at the outer elbow joints and at the outer shoulder joints, then he did the same to the left arm, starting from both the palms, a fine yellow line was streaked across, till the shoulders, then it was pulled down to the center of the chest, that formed a V shape, at its center, he applied kumkum, pulled it straight upwards, it formed a red streak, there were 3 red streaks on the right arm, 3 on the left arm, 1 in the center of the chest, then he applied semi diluted turmeric-sandal paste across the forehead, from right to left, applied kumkum at the center of the forehead, pulled it straight up, creating the 8th red streak on the body, he did this systematically, on both of them, one after another, throughout this time, the gathering chanted continuously, loudly, along with Macham, Adhavan and Killivalavan, the sound of “Ommmmmmmmmm” reverberated all over the place, it filled the ponds, it filled the woods, it even filled the surrounding hills, both their bodies responded similarly, their bodies were taut, backs bent, lungs heaved up, head tilted upwards, but then, their minds didn’t converge on their souls, they weren’t looking deep inside, they weren’t anywhere near to it, so Macham closed his eyes, penetrated both of them simultaneously, saw what they were seeing, their clumsiness, their foolishness, the tricks, their minds played on them, he laughed at it, overtook their minds, ruled it like a king, from deep within them, he saw the sun in the right, the moon in the left, the bizarre eruption of lightnings between the Sun and the Moon, that infused into beautiful dazzling white cloudy path, through which he let, both of them soar up to great heights, just for a few memorable moments, just to get the taste of it, then he brought both of them down, simultaneously, to the ground levels, they entered their bodies with full impact, they coughed and panted for their breath heavily, then he fed them with three full palms of water; with him, in him, through him, they learnt to soar, they learnt to see; the inner cosmos; the grand truth; the finite god part; the path to the source; the Parabrahma, the eternal God. Slowly, they came back to the normal human levels, opened their eyes, Balaraman’s body was too weak to withhold the pressure of the surge, he almost collapsed, owing to the old age, he kept on shivering profusely, Killivalavan helped him to gather himself up, wrapped a fresh dhoti around him, wrapped his right arm over his right shoulder, guided him to the veranda, there he saw Patabiraman staring at him with red hot eyes, Macham came out of the pond, walked towards the hut, accompanied by Muthupandian and Adhavan, on seeing Siddhar Macham, Patabiraman’s eyes welled up with tears again, he cried publicly out of humiliation, even that didn’t move Macham, he turned his eyes away, attended Balaraman with utmost care, Adhavan rubbed his right feet, Killivalavan rubbed his left feet, Siddhar Macham rubbed his palms, been emotionally defeated multiple times, Patabiraman fell to the feet of Balaraman, apologized him for all humiliation and insult levied on him, he cried pitiably, the solemn, genuine act balanced his karma, Balaraman blessed him, only after that, Macham took a bowl of ragi porridge, handed it over to Patabiraman, taking the bowl, he tried to talk to him, rather Macham waved his hands, asked him to savor the porridge.

The chanting should have touched many, soon people started flooding Macham’s hut, unable to accommodate the overwhelming crowd, the whole gathering moved to the Maiam, where the synchronized array of events would flow uninhibitedly, they all settled comfortably in and around it, under the cool shades of the ancient trees.

Macham turned to Muthupandian, asked him straight,

“Still, do you want to take revenge?”

Muthupandian replied sincerely,

“No, but I want so save my people, fulfill the promises I have made to my blood, vows made can’t be broken, you master know that well.”

Macham laughed one of his roaring laughter, that pierced the high skies, shook the trees, echoed for a few moments, then he slowly turned to Patabiraman, told him with great authority,

“If you so much want to have a divine insight, you please go to your guru, I am not your guru, taking someones else’s disciple is equivalent to taking someone else’s wife, it is against divine norms, I won’t help you, I won’t infuse myself into you, take you to higher levels you are seeking, you need to ask your guru for that, please go to him, abide by him, serve him the way Balaraman served you.”

Astounded by the reply, Patabiraman, asked anxiously,

“Master, Where is he? How can I find him? Will he take me in? Does he too have a stone heart like yours? Will he also be so adamant like you?”

Macham laughed mildly at his reply, answered politely,

“What makes you think I was hard on you, I have actually helped you, the tears of repentance that you shed today, have purified your soul, have lightened your bad karma, made you ache for the divine grace, honestly look out for your guru, your quest has already started, I have bruised your ego enough, I have made it easy for your guru, now, he can annihilate it fully, so that, you can be him; he can be you; you can see what he has been seeing, go look for him, you are ready, stable enough, to go ahead with your spiritual quest.”

Patabiraman was puzzled, looked at him earnestly, pleaded with his eyes,

Macham stared into the space right before him, after a momentary pause, he continued,

“I see him beneath a Pupil tree, chewing betel leaves, by the right side of a Vinayagar statue, near by a big flowing river, he is now looking straight back at us, he knows that you will be coming for him, he is actually waiting for you.”

Patabiraman asked him anxiously, “Master please... Where is this place?”

Macham, eased the frowning over his head, massaging the top of his nostrils and the forehead together, replied earnestly, “Cauvery... Puhar...”

Saying that Macham collected five big gooseberries, gave it to Patabiraman, spoke softly,

“Your quest has just now started, it may even take a few more births, it may even be more painful than what you have experienced today, it may even kill you, but have faith and patience, be on it, you will get it sooner or later.”

Soft, caring words moved him, he cried again, but this time, he cried out of happiness, a sense of deep satisfaction engulfed him, with big smiles, he prostrated again before Macham, bequeathed all his possessions, including his most sacred manuscripts to Balaraman, without looking back at the gathering, with a strong unshakeable vision in his mind, he started walking towards Puhar.

Then Macham turned to Muthupandian and Balaraman, addressed both of them,

“Though you both know the path now, you can travel anytime you want to, but you can’t remain in the sate owing to your unfinished karma, so focus on fulfilling your karmic needs, before you can completely let yourself mix and merge with the Parabrahmam, the God, else you will not be able to rest in peace, your unfinished business will haunt you in your next birth too, that holds good, even for enlightened men like you.”

He paused for a moment, then continued,

“You both are welcome to stay here, as along as you want to.”

That same moment, a pack of wild horses raced towards the Maiam, they came at the speed of lightning, Nedunenkilli was leading the pack, within a fraction of seconds, without giving anyone a moment to think, the group of elite soldiers surrounded Muthupandian, their spears were pointed at him, people around him fled away, he sat like a statue, unperturbed, unmoved, Nedunenkilli walked with such an air of authority, prostrated before his father, took his blessings, drew his long sword stylishly, in a flick of a moment, pointed it at Muthupandian, he remained calm, unruffled, the next moment Killivalavan drew out his Surul Pattai, released its lock, walked towards Nedunenkilli with his bloodthirsty flexible swords rattling behind, faced his brother with strong determination; firm and hard; face to face. Nedunenkilli would have least expected this audacious, disloyal, outlandish behavior from his younger brother, he stared at him in full rage, it was a clear, painful, emotional stand off.

 (To be continued...)

Written on Dates: 07/21-07/28

About Adhavan

Chapter 01 The Realization of the Vocation

Chapter 02 The First Glimpse of the Third Eye

Chapter 03 The Complete Surrender

Chapter 04 The Sacredness of the Divine Incarnation

Chapter 05 The Veneration of a Guru

Chapter 06 The Immortality

Chapter 07 The Art of Dying

Chapter 08 The Good Cause

Chapter 09 The First Dissemination

Chapter 10 The One behind the Spiritual Transformation
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions

Chapter 12 The Insight of the Divine Lamp
Chapter 13 The Great Four

Chapter 14 The Final Samadhi
Chapter 15 The Blossoming Love
Chapter 16 The Divine Intervention
Chapter 17 The Second Dissemination

Adhavan (18): The Second Dissemination

Chapter 17: The Second Dissemination

One with God, one with people, one with nature...

Translation

Not temples! Not ponds!

Worshippers of temples and ponds

Temples in your mind, ponds in your mind

Nothing created, nothing destroyed, nothing

—Siddhar Sivavakkiyar Hymn (033)

For ages, mankind looked upon nature as their gods, they revered sun and moon; lighting and thunder; earthquakes and volcanoes; famines and floods; epidemics and droughts, as their gods, and their own expressions towards them, even a slight change in the nature was attributed to their gods flare of emotions, furthermore, they looked at their gods in their own personae, in their own form, in their own nature, obviously, their gods too had human emotions like them, from uncontrollable fits of boiling rage to deep unconditional love, these strong emotions of the gods were attributed to the fine, sensitive changes in nature, according to them, even a minute change in nature was an expression of their gods, it is the way, their gods talked to them, though it may be perceived to be highly irrational, it has enclosed within it, the grandest truth, the highest, the noblest part, sought after age-long, by both theists and atheists alike, that insurmountable part of the pure reason, the epitome of the highest form of the logics, the apex of the mind, that which can answer all our unanswered questions, have their deep roots anchored in our ancient past, the way our primitive forefathers and ancestors related to their gods, held within it, the key, the source of all our lives, our rationale, born, living and yet to be born. The five basic elements earth, water, air, fire and space that which has made nature, that which has built this world from nothing, has made us too, has woven us intricately into its immeasurable expansiveness, a tiny integral part of its own blood and flesh, built very much as its own expression, as its own form, as its own offshoot, lies deep down with us, ready to be unlocked, let out, soar up, reach out to the source, the eternal luminosity, the unbound space, the everlasting time, the nucleus, from where it has come.

It was very early in the morning, it would take two more hours for the Sun to show off its gleaming face, Adhavan was deep asleep, resting peacefully on the veranda, arms folded across his chest, handsome face shining brightly in the faint moonlight. Sarutha placed a mug of hot steaming milk by his side, gently touched his closed palms, he opened his eyes, looked softly at Sarutha, she whispered low, in her melodious, singsong voice, softer than the softest early morning dews, resting placidly on the tender rose petals, his heart moved along with her voice, it melted him, touched his soul, lingered in his mind, ringed in his ears, it mesmerized him, he felt hooked, the soft chanting continued, it reverberated in his mind, “Sivahyaa Namahaa, Sivahyaa Namahaa, Om, Namasivahyaa...” breaking his momentary trance she continued,

“Tonight we will be celebrating the full moon day, people all around the place will gather together today evening at Thavamedu, they will venerate Siddhar Macham, seek his blessings, counsel with him. We must soon leave for Vasimuni hills, bring him to Thavamedu by mid-noon. Killi has not come home yet, I have asked Rathinamozhian and Kathirnindravalavan to help us, they will be joining us soon, we will all leave early before the first rays, get ready soon, let this day be a momentous one for you...”

Then she continued her chanting, left him slowly, in short steady paces, that resounded with strong will and unshakable determination. Adhavan continued to watch her till she disappeared into the hut, her pale white skin glistened softly in the dim moonlight, her dark shining hair draped the back of her knees, cascaded fluidly with a natural rhythm, danced softly to her chanting, in tune with her each step, she then disappeared into the hut, the goddess vanished, seldom we could see a woman of such a great disposition, she never got herself into trivial talks, especially when it is about others, she never gave advice, unless she was asked for, she never involved herself in mean, unnecessary arguments, she never got wild, mad at anyone, she never indulged in anyone's personal affairs, being the wife of Siddhar Macham, she never thought of herself as big and great, she never put herself first, she never thought low of others, she showed great respect, love and affection to all those who came to her, she was very happy with her life, simple in her way, joyful in all her doings, grateful to everything she was given with, she has never once talked bad about her husband, she neither grudged about her sons nor complained about her daughters, she was content with her life, she knew her stand well in the society, lived well up to the expectations, that very naturally befitted her, she never expected much from anyone, nor did she take any meaningless garbage thrown at her, she never lost her self-respect, she never yearned for anyone’s love, on the other hand, she was very much loved, respected by her family, the most by Macham, her husband. A woman doesn’t need anything more than her husbands love and affection, if she cries, grieves, yearns for more, she has got herself into big troubles, a woman who looks out for love, respect, admiration from neighbors, kins and immediate family, always lands herself into bitter disappointments and sheer frustrations, only woman who has not been touched by love, only woman who has not been satisfied by her husband, only woman who has not earned her husband’s love, respect and admiration, pitiably, look out for the same, from whomever she meets, whomever she comes to know, she desperately begs for their attention, aches for their love, craves for their affection, that unscrupulously pays her with bitter humiliations, undeniably great agonies befall such women. Sarutha was blessed with whatever a woman should have, she was such a beautiful, elegant, gracious, noble woman with great virtues and a courageous heart. A real admirable one, truly, a gifted one.

With such early morning pleasant thoughts in the mind, Adhavan leisurely sipped the warm milk, every sip of it tasted fine, sweet and nourishing, the day had started well, he felt warm, he walked into the woods, attended to his morning needs, gave himself ample time, enjoyed the feel of the woods, soaked by the morning mist, slowly gathered his thoughts, fastened it to his self, so that it doesn’t flirt around without his permission, he then walked to the pond, touched the surface of the dark water, leaped into it, allowed himself to get completely drenched in the chillness of the pond, surrounded by the whispering nutmeg trees, opposite to siddhar Macham’s hut, by then, an hour as passed by, the horizon grew red, Adhavan bloomed out of the water, fresh and cool, his body shone brightly with a reddish golden tint, as the Sun’s first rays touched his wet body, he swam to the banks, dried his clothes, rushed to the hut, the group was getting ready for the day, a short, medium-sized figure, adorned by that gorgeous dark cascading hair, shining, milky, glowing skin, clear of wrinkles, spots and lines, was passing instructions around, Sarutha looked so small leading the pack, she inevitably had authority over everyone there, on seeing Adhavan come towards the pack, girls giggled and gossiped among them, without much of exposing their anxieties and fears, their soft whispering continued, the group was ready for the uphill journey, it consisted of Senthamarai and her ten subordinates; her three daughters, Punguzali, Kayalvizi and Mathivathani; her three sons, Rathinamozhian, Koperunkilli and Kathirnindravalavan, along with Adhavan and Sarutha, 18 of them left for Thavamedu, the girls carried baskets of flowers and empty utensils, the men loaded grains, cereals, pulses, firewood, tent materials and all necessary items that would be needed, for the least a days’ stay, on to their bullock carts. Except Adhavan and Sarutha, everyone had something to carry, they walked alongside one another, in a slow pace, followed by women, carrying flowers, lumps of frankincense, milk, oil, ghee, turmeric and sandal powder, aromatic oils, colored robes, colored powders, etc. men followed them with their loaded carts.

Without rush, the group walked steadily, taking in fully the morning beauty the nature has to offer, it presented them with bright dews that madly reflected the first Sun light, allover, especially on the newly sprouted, tender, light, greenish leaves that almost turned white owing to the bizarre reflections of the pearly dews; the sweet, little, chirruping sparrows, that hopped from branches to branches, trees to trees, invited them informally to join their morning party; the squawking wild parrots tried to mimic the sweet voices and the gentle laughter of the young maidens, whose honeyed voices rivalled that of the glorious chattering of the perky black birds, whose baskets were filled with items that were more colorful than the rich, bright-colored, feathers of the wild parrots; with their masculine lows, the oxen humbly offered the laden women, to carry their light loads, that are in fact, heavy for those slender women; the grazing cattle looked up at the party sheepishly, chewing thick, fleshy grasses, talked loudly for the fertility of the land and the richness of the soil men and women were working on, it was a happy sight to see them working on their farms at such early hours, they earnestly looked at them, their eyes pleaded, if they could join the party too, anyhow, by day’s end, all of them would flock around Thavamedu, for the full moon day orison and the satsang, wherein the divine blessings are bestowed upon by nature and Siddhar Macham alike, it is a very auspicious day, that falls on every month, during which, the public can meet with Siddhar Macham, be with him for any long time, talk to him in person, discourse with him on spiritual matters, counsel with him on their private issues, seek medicine for their incurable diseases, listen avidly to their meaningful talks, it is not only a special day for all of the tribes around, even few renowned people from plains come over, for the full moon day festival. For the Siddhar’s family, it is a great opportunity for them to serve people, it was one of the most revered day in Sarutha’s personal calendar, not because she steers the day’s course of events, not because she was the one, who initiated this full moon day get together, it’s purely because it adds value to her spiritual life, it gives her and her family a chance, to partake and serve the community better, that gave her an unimaginable second life, a blessing in abundance, in addition, this is the day, she can give back whatever she was getting from the tribe, a true, sincere, empathetic expression of her heartfelt gratitude towards the tribe, especially to her husband, Siddhar Macham; Great Grand Master, Siddhar Athri Maharishi; her spiritual mother, Annai Anushya Devi; Siddhar Tiger Paws and all other Siddhars she knew, so much of the work has been left for the day, soon, people will start pouring in, by mid-noon, she has to get Macham onto the dais of flowers, they use to create for him, right before the mound of Vipuruthi Ammal’s samadhi, but he never used to sit in the center of the dais, decorated all around with fragrant flowers and soft petals, he always chose to sit on the raw grounds, right before the dais, facing south, though it would pain her, she had never questioned his odd behaviors, this time she prayed to get at least an answer for it, the list of work ahead and the sheer thought of it made her walk faster, involuntarily, everyone walked to her speed, she led the company, her short, medium sized figure, moved forward beautifully, mixed with the rising sun, her path of light was followed by the pack, undoubtedly.

At Thavamedu, the moment, Sarutha reached the spot, a sweet aroma of freshly ground sandalwood filled her lungs, her mind grew still, she set herself to work, ordered women to clean the place, dust and water it, she then sent Rathinamozhian, Koperunkilli and the carts back home for more barrels, basins, bowls and plates, none of them were idle, each one of them was engaged in acts of common welfare, from simple to very hard, based on what they were skilled at, to what they were capable of, soon, one after another, many of the tribal men came around, joined the party, some volunteered to bring sandalwood for lighting the campfire, some went after water, some started erecting a big tent with high roof, around the mount, big enough to accommodate 500 men at ease, women were sweeping the grounds, things rolled on smoothly, the wild landscape slowly evolved into an inhabitable place, she then signalled Adhavan to come near, asked him if he can go with Kathirnindravalavan and Mathivathani to bring Siddhar Macham, hopefully, by mid-noon.

Adhavan said, “Sure.”

Until then Punguzali and Kayalvizi were sincerely working along with the women folks, mention of the name Mathivathani, pulled all their senses to the conversation, they knew, it would look completely absurd and odd, to suddenly opt for the visit to Vasimuni hills, as many a times in the past, they have declined going anywhere near there, owing to its inherent terrain path and painstaking journey, so the responsibility was always given to Mathivathani, which she did heartily, as she loved her father more than anything else in the world, nothing would give her so much of comfort than attending to his needs, she took an innocent childish pleasure in it, she also loved talking to the wild animals and the birds on the way, mightily enjoyed lighting the antique stone lamps in the tiger caves, she loved all of it, it went well with her spiritual nature, Punguzali knew she could get some time alone with Adhavan, it is worth taking a risk, Kayalvizi too wanted to join the group, but she hesitated, she was worried of the physical tiredness and the mere failure she might face, while climbing the uphills, Sarutha read their minds well, she turned around, said in a crisp, clear voice,

“Don’t indulge in others work, just do the work that i have assigned to each one of you, I know who should do what, if you have any doubts in my decisions, you can come and talk to me straight, prove to me that you are right, of all, my girls... I am hurt, when you conspire about me and my decisions, behind my back.”

Punguzali murmured, “You are not infallible. You are not God.”

Sarutha replied, “But I am your mother, even if God comes to you, tells the truth, you won’t listen, you will look at the god in his face and say ‘you are not God’, just for the reason, he told you what you didn’t want to hear, you then will conspire against him too, in vain.”

Tears rolled down Mathivathani’s cheeks, she tried to hide her grief, moved away from the crowd, faintly smiling, she joined the ladies at work, she knew well of her elder sister Punguzali, who can’t stand her getting close to any male, not even their father, she even can’t tolerate their brothers talk good to her, it is not even envy, it is jealousy, in its pure evil form, she despised not only their mother, deep in her heart, she despised her more than that, for everything she was naturally good at, for her genuine humbleness; for her inherent simplicity; for her incorruptible nature; for her ingrained detachment to the carnal desires; mostly, for the trust she gained in their mother’s heart and for the divine unconditional love she received from their father, the poignant truth of their relationship stung her hard, in the past, she had come across times much worse than this, so it wasn’t difficult for her to come out of it instantly, leaving the glooming sadness to the morning breeze and the rising sun, she happily returned to her set of tasks, she went to the basket of flowers placed before the mount, took a handful of jasmine, carefully placed it in the corner of her small basket, that rested comfortably on her slender hips, she slowly went around the whole place, looked out for various odd items, with her every move, the basket rose and fell rhythmically, one after another, she filled the basket systematically, with some firewood, a small empty pot, wicks made of glued dried reeds, a bottle of herbal oil, a piece of dried root well wrapped by a cotton cloth, whose edges were smeared with turmeric and kumkum, few small lumps of frankincense, few small pebbles, a sharp hunting knife, and many such small, small, petty things, she only knew, for what she was carrying them for, finally satisfied, she went and stood behind her brother Kathirnindravalavan, who had been patiently waiting for her, all this time, along with Adhavan.

As the trio left for the Vasimuni Hills, a sturdy, young man, with a thick, whisky mustache, galloped towards the working party in a big brown horse, it had a stylish white mark, running straight on its muzzle, on seeing him, both the daughters ran eagerly towards him, foraged his bags, hanging on both sides of his horse excitedly, he patted their backs, went straight to Sarutha, without even a mild hesitation, prostrated right before her, on the dusty grounds, amidst onlooking men and women, she bent down, touched his head, blessed her eighth son Senthamizhmozhian, 31 years old, head cook of the Velir royals of the Pari Nadu. He was one of the most respected aides of the king, not because he was a good cook, but because of his unique insights in siddha medicine, varmam, food therapy, astrology, aroma therapy and alchemy, his renowned talents and explicit knowledge in various fields, earned him a spot in the King’s hunting party, being a close aide to the king, it proved him very difficult to join, any of the family get together, held recently, but what odd reasons could be, he always makes himself present, without fail, for the full moon day get together, with loads of gifts sent by the King himself, for Siddhar Macham and his family, as an expression of his love and gratitude. His sisters enquired about their sister-in-law, she was carrying her third child, it wasn’t advisable for her to travel such a long distance, she remained at home with her two kids, Manimozhian 5 years old and Meimozhian 3 years old, though he comes a long way to attend this full moon day, spiritual discourses, it was his habit to cook for the whole gathering, who primarily come to meet Siddhar Macham, it has always given him a greater amount of satisfaction, despite the long journey, he immediately got into work, the girls assisted him, slowly as the day progressed, one after another, tribal men and women started coming in, each brought with them some or other thing, as part of their humble contribution, for the full moon day celebrations, what meager and invaluable it could be, it is still valuable in the eyes of the goddess Vipuruthi Ammal, whatever they brought was never measured, neither in terms of quantity, nor in terms of quality, it is the love, the goodness, they brought along, that does really count, on the open grounds, all the baskets were placed before the mount, people who brought cereals poured it in the basket that had cereals, people who brought flowers placed it in the baskets that had respective flowers, people who brought milk poured it into the barrel that contained milk, so the collection of groceries, gifts, flowers, firewood, etc. went on its own, without any human intervention, there wasn’t any supervision, there wasn’t any overseer, there wasn’t any scaling or measuring done, the best part is even Sarutha doesn’t know who brought what, how much they brought, all of them were treated as equals, she is very strong against anyone ever eyeing the items brought by people, she was so genuine, she was so unbiased, she earned a place in every ones’ heart, people looked up to her, everyone respected her, they literally followed her without any questions.

Time is the most precious commodity, for it is once lost, is lost forever, every finite time spent is the same finite time lost, that same moment, irrevocably, the acts that go with the time can’t be rubbed off too, they are both different sides of the same coin, if ruined they are ruined forever, nothing really can be done much to alter the past, as well as to revoke the time spent on it, whatever done is done, the lost time and the acts done, can neither be regained nor be set right, not even by miracles, not even by all the gods in the world, unquestionably, life’s every single moment gains the status quo of a once in a lifetime moment, there are no compromises, as far as time is concerned. On such a full moon day, such a precious time was extremely well utilized by Adhavan, Kathirnindravalavan and Mathivathani, taking up a hard, painstaking journey in dark deep woods, rough terrains to meet Siddhar Macham, four hours have gone past sunrise, finally the trio has successfully reached the tiger caves, the cave opening was densely covered by thick marsh marigolds, the whole place looked yellowish, Kathirnindravalavan went ahead, clearing way for Adhavan and Mathivathani, the narrow pathway was lamented with an inch thick, bed of bright yellow flowers with a few fresh green leaves, strewn around here and there, on that day, Adhavan and Mathivathani walked together, on the bed of yellow flowers, to reach the cave entrance, there, in the cool stream, gushing out of the cave, they washed their palm, feet, neck, face, religiously, following that cleansing act, Mathivathani filled the small pot with the spring water, handed it over to her brother Kathirnindravalavan along with her small basket, then, they slowly walked in, methodically, from right to left, then left to right, checking each lamp one after another, Mathivathani checked each wick, if it was burnt she replaced it, if it was dry, she extinguished the fire; dipped it in the herbal oil; placed the wick again; set it straight; Kathirnindravalavan filled the lamp with the cool spring water, till the brim; once it is all ready, Mathivathani came forward again, lit the lamp with the glowing firewood, every time such dead lamps glowed brightly, a faint smile appeared on her face spontaneously, it shone brilliantly with each burning lamp, then she went to the next lamp, she did this very patiently, slowly, with care, for each lamp, enjoying every bit of what she was doing, making sure, that all the lamps in the room were burning brightly, chasing away the engulfing darkness. They moved slowly from one lamp to another, it gave Adhavan ample time to watch her graceful movements, he watched her working on each lamp, it was a such beautiful sight to watch and behold, whatever she did, she did with a touch of benignant love, her pristine features were remarkably well lit by the shining lamps, suddenly, without looking at him, she waved her head in his direction, she might have been touched strongly by his aura, she didn’t like him staring at her like that, might be, she didn’t want be disturbed at work. Adhavan turned around half-heartedly, studied the surface of the cave, it had many paintings, writings, symbols, etc. he slowly moved from one to another, went through each one of them reluctantly, whenever few items caught his interest, he got lost in it, generally he was pulled by subjects on God, enlightenment, religions, deities, mantras, etc. he skipped herbs, medicine, varmam, astrology, alchemy, adimurai and other crowd-pulling stuffs, he was not much interested in them, he turned around to check upon the working pair, to his surprise, they have almost moved to the pillar in the center of the cave, he walked slowly, amidst the slithering serpent, made of fire, towards its hissing hood.

By the time Adhavan reached there, they have set right the five facet lamps on all the four pillars, the cave was lit bright, Adhavan was completely immersed in the glow of the camp, its inherent vibrations, its divinity hanging thick in the air, as his mind grew still, Kathirnindravalavan interrupted his trance, patted him on his back, asked

“Coming?”

Adhavan replied, “Yes. Of course”

Then Mathivathani handed over Kathirnindravalavan, the root wrapped around with a cotton cloth, smeared with turmeric and kumkum, she gave Adhavan a mug of fresh spring water, the pair left her, slowly climbed up the walls, disappeared into a hole, there Siddhar Macham was in padmasana, his back erect, slanted slightly to his right, muscles taut and pulled, head a bit lifted up, cocked slightly to the right, eyes closed, his body was pitch dark, white of his eyes were clearly visible, Kathirnindravalavan prostrated right before him, Adhavan didn’t fall to his feet, rather, he placed the mug of water aside, went close to Macham, knelt before him, touched his closed palms, pulled it back, touched his heart, kissed his fingers softly, then gave way to Kathirnindravalavan, he prostrated again in complete reverence, closed on him slowly, neatly unwrapped the cotton cloth, placed the root on his closed palms, pressed it gently over him, altogether, suddenly, unexpectedly, a bright light entered his body top down, his lungs heaved unrhythmically, he shivered and coughed heavily, owing to the sudden forceful entry of his own spirit, his body continued to tremble mildly, his fingers shook terribly, it all took a few minutes to subside and calm down, slowly Macham’s taut body relaxed, throughout this ordeal, they held Macham close, without exerting much of pressure, letting his body adapt naturally to the entry of the divine lamp, the prana, the vital life-force, the finite God part, back into his body, he was now fully back from his samadhi, his body was tired, but it started effusing light, it shone brilliantly, he opened his eyes, looked at Adhavan, it was burning bright, he saw thousand suns in it, unable to withstand the fervor of the divine power flowing through him, his body was thrown backwards, it bent like a bow, he attained his first samadhi in the hole, in the cave, right before Siddhar Macham, Kathirnindravalavan was left aghast, he didn’t know what to do, he was cursing his younger brother Killivalavan, for not being there when he was needed very much, he was not the man for this type of job, he looked pathetic before two great siddhars of his time and their plays, he focused on his father first, he stretched his legs, pulled his muscles, opened his closed arms, rubbed his palms, rubbed his feet, stretched his arms, massaged his calf muscles, pulled his thighs, slowly all his muscles relaxed, Macham started moving his feet and arms on his own, he looked at Adhavan, he was still in his samadhi, with his back bent backwards like a bow, once Macham was able to move his arms and legs, he went near Adhavan, leaned over him, placed his left palm over the crown of his head, his rigid muscles relaxed, he fell flat on his back, coughed heavily, gathered himself, panting hard for air, leaned over the walls of the hole, grabbed the mug of water he took from Mathivathani, gulped it greedily, letting water dribble all over him, when he had drunk almost half of it, Macham pulled away the mug from him, emptied the remaining half, he drank slowly, sip by sip, well balanced and composed, not even a drop of water was wasted. Slowly the trio climbed down the steep walls, the moment Mathivathani saw her father coming out, she walked fast towards him, waited eagerly for him to come down, the moment he was on the basement, she rushed to his right, took his right arm over her right shoulders, in act of balance, Kathirnindravalavan rushed forward, took his left arm, placed it over his left shoulder, boy and the girl together, almost lifted their father up in the air, without much of a fuss, they walked slowly, well balanced, at ease. As Mathivathani and Kathirnindravalavan had opted to help their father, Adhavan realized that he needs to gather the basket and the remaining stuff strewn around, he hurriedly collected the items, placed it in the basket, took it on his head, followed them silently, by the time, they reached the cave entrance, Macham was well on his feet, up, moving steady, without assistance, but still, he was swaying around a bit, like a drunkard, who has just emptied a barrel of homemade liquor, at the cave entrance Kathirnindravalavan took the basket away from Adhavan, smiling, he gave it back to Mathivathani, there wasn’t any talking, there wasn’t any need for it, slowly, the pack moved forward, Macham led the front, along with Adhavan, followed by Kathirnindravalavan and Mathivathani.

It was mid-noon, the foursome had reached Thavamedu, on seeing Siddhar Macham walking towards them, the whole of the tribe, his family, his wife, his followers, instantaneously, dropped off whatever they were doing, prostrated right before the pack, Mathivathani and Kathirnindravalavan ran into the tent, brought a wooden plank, placed it before Macham, he stood majestically on the wooden plank, the whole gathering was up on their feet, the veneration started, Sarutha attended to it, diligently, in her own rhythm, the atmosphere was filled with the chanting “Ayya Harakara, Siva, Siva, Sivasankara”, not to be caught in these rituals Adhavan slowly moved away from the scene, Sarutha bit her lower lips, not wanting him to leave, as he needs to be venerated too, though both read each one’s mind, unheeding they moved forward, with their own thoughts. Adhavan missed Killivalavan, he needed his company, he wandered lonely in the woods, drifted a long way, saw a boulder, alighted on it, rested flat on his back, went into a deep trance.

=========================================================

After the heavy supper, under the banyan tree, the pair slept peacefully, undisturbed, till they heard the neighing of their horses and the laughing sound of a lone hyena nearby, they woke up with a jolt, startled, looked at each other, without hesitation climbed up their horses, raced towards Velir Thopu, Killivalavan led the front, in his dark brown stallion, followed by Muthupandian in his big brown horse, they never rested anywhere, they never had any food, around mid-noon, they gave time for nature calls, took a fast bath, drank a few full palms of water, just enough to quench their thirst, then they raced again, faster than before, they can be expected at Thavamedu, well before sunset.

=========================================================

There in the tent, the food was being prepared for the gathering, slowly people started coming from various hills around, they started talking to one another, the place was warm and hearty, they feasted on the food offered. Behind the tent, nearby a small pond, Sarutha and Mathivathani took care of Macham, they made him sit on the stone bench, trimmed his beard, cut the loose ends of his hairs, trimmed his nails, rubbed his feet, applied oil all over his body, massaged his back, shoulders, forearms, calf muscles, palms, feet, bathed him in the hot water, dried his body, dried his hair, smoked frankincense for him, the smoke filled the whole tent, the pleasant fragrance filled all the hearts gathered around, it was almost four days since he had any food, he declined having any further, hence Sarutha, brought him a bowl of fruits, crushed and mixed with honey, slowly she fed him, he had a few scoops of it, sipped water thrice from a small bowl, sent both mother and daughter away, laid down on the same stone bench, rested for a few hours together.

Sun was setting in, the whole atmosphere was thrilled, there were many big shots in the gathering, Sarutha was able to spot Mathurarayar talking to Punguzali, there she saw others too, Poncetuceni, Athiperunar, Patabiraman, Yuvaninathan and a few more, with head bands bigger than their heads, they have all gathered under one roof, but still, the group of social elites, segregated themselves from the common folks and the tribal men, formed a small space near the mount, next to the dais made of flowers, ironically, a special area within the tent for the elite, Macham walked slowly towards the gathering, there was an immense drop of silence, they looked up to him as a walking god, he walked past them, stepped outside the tent, to the wild roads, stood there looking out earnestly for someone, Adhavan came from nowhere, he had skipped his lunch too, he came and stood behind Macham, both of them were looking at the unending path, with golden rays hitting the dust, piercing through the wind, the warriors raced towards them, the whole crowd was on their feet to see Killivalavan and Muthupandian, riding majestically on their big horses, surprisingly, with high neighs, both their horses stopped, twenty paces before Macham, they never took a step forward, Killivalavan got down, ran towards his father, touched his feet, kissed the tip of the fingers that touched his feet, Muthupandian followed him, came close, stood by his right, even before Killivalavan had time to introduce his new friend, Macham approached him, studied the wound on his shoulders, touched it softly, a mild tremor went through Muthupandian’s body, he shivered for a moment, then he took his big palms in his strong hands, closed his eyes, penetrated his mind, probed his soul, remained in that state for few moments, sighed heavily, that had a tone of great anguish to it, this solemn act of love had touched the innermost part of Muthupandian, he trembled fervously, his eyes welled up, he sobbed, his whimpers turned out into a great outcry, he fell to his knees, grabbed his legs, planted his face on his holy feet, sobbed heavily, uncontrollably, all his great pains, unbearable losses, bitter humiliations, gushed out of him, unbridled, he washed his feet with the tears of his griefs, Macham bent down fondled his head, his sobs soon subsided, he said aloud,

“Let you not cry again in your lifetime, what may, you have cried enough, more than enough.”

He paused for a moment and then said,

“Let my guru’s blessings be with you.”

Then he instructed Rathinamozhian,

“Take him to your home, feed him well, light a big oil lamp in the room, he chooses to stay, let him sleep in peace, let him not be disturbed, bring him home tomorrow, early morning, his time to see the sun and the moon in unison has come.”

Adhavan recognized Muthupandian, but he didn’t have time and space to express personal things, that too at this juncture, rather, he watched the dark, big, broad figure, leave the camp along with Rathinamozhian, Macham looked up at the sky, Sun has set, the Moon was full, bright and beautiful, he went into the tent, wound a simple head band made of pure cotton, did the same to Adhavan, created a campfire out of few sandal wood logs, placed before the flower dais, a traditional practice to inform the gathering, that he is ready for them, then, he sat close to the campfire, along with the common people, ignoring the flower dais, made specifically for him, Adhavan, Sarutha and Mathivathani sat behind him, very close to him, one by one, one after another, people came to him, he patiently listened to all their stories, he touched their heads, prayed deeply, some fainted when he touched, some were healed, the very moment they came close to him, some cried out of pure happiness, even before they reached him, some fell over him, cried hard till all their tears have drained, all of them who came to him left in peace, he spoke to some, he prayed for some, he counselled some, in case of a few, he remained silent, he never responded, he looked elsewhere when they talked, with some he became so excited, he started talking to them like a child, he laughed with them, asked about them and their families, with one or two, he got really furious, chased them away with the burning firewood, but to all, he gave some or other thing, except the ones he had chased away, to some he gave few lemons, some apples, some pomegranates, to some he applied ash on their forehead, some handful of jasmine, some lotus, some handful of ash, the list went on, during the flow of the events, Punguzali intervened and asked, if he can spend sometime with her big-time customers, as they have come here all the way to discuss on highly spiritual stuffs, he was taken back by the daring act of his daughter, to interfere in the natural course of events, he paused for a moment, grew still, saw in his mind the reason, they have come in, he turned to Adhavan, asked him earnestly,

“Did you talk to them before?”

Shocked, hesitatingly, he said, “Yes. this... like... something, big, the light, did the talking. I don’t know.”

Macham replied sternly, “You are the light, the light is you.”

Sarutha grew tense over the happenings. Macham remained silent for a moment, stared into the space, smiled to himself, he understood clearly the reason behind the appearance of the big headbands, the conflicting ideas, the humiliation levied on them, they wanted to give it all back, right before the crowd, through Macham, they wanted to prove that Adhavan is wrong, totally wrong, they wanted to turn Macham against Adhavan, take him off the grounds, unexpectedly, in his own stronghold, Macham can’t help laughing at the wickedness of their thoughts, if he wasn’t an enlightened man, he would have fallen to their tricks, rather, he knew who Adhavan is, the reason behind his birth, the evolution his soul has gone through, the spiritual heights he has attained in his previous births, that which comes to him very naturally, in this birth, that which has invoked jealousy in many, he sensed fuming rage in all three of them, a bitter jealousy overwhelmed their reasoning, it won’t be advisable to let them talk to him, so in front of the crowd, he said loudly, in a way, indirectly, he said that to the concerned,

“If it is spiritual matters, that too, if it is of serious things, let them talk to Adhavan.”

Punguzali was totally shocked, unable to digest his words, she whispered slowly, but harshly,

“But Appa, they are all big men, very big in their societies, they would consider it as an insult, what will this homeless, wretched, big attitude kid, talk to such great men of accomplishments?”

If it is not for the public presence, Sarutha would have slapped her hard for raising her voice against Macham, but on the other hand, Macham fondled her hair with love, inhaled the seductive fragrance emanating from it, kissed her forehead softly, she melted, inside, she felt like a soft feather, her face gained the lost calmness, it shone bright, bloomed with joy, she looked very graceful, magically, suddenly, she was all love and peace, she almost forgot Athiperunar and his whining, begging, irritating voice, she went around, sat behind her mother, close to her sisters. Macham whispered to Sarutha, in a way, audible only to her, though their daughters were sitting around them, very close.

“Your daughter will cause you unbearable pain.” He paused for a moment and continued, “soon...”

He then looked at the group, waved them in, Yuvaninathan rushed forward, fell to his feet, requested his blessing, Macham gave him a handful of ash, said softly,

“For you and your friends, three of them, including yourself, if you want to settle a conversation with Adhavan, you can do that in presence of Vipuruthi Ammal, in the remote corners of the tent, you can have my words, he is eligible in talking about pure spiritual matters, the eternal divine light, his Guru, will talk through him, please flock around him, settle the hate that you have sown in your own hearts, else it may not only bring you anguish, invite tragedies, it may overflow, inject its venom in the veins of your family line, your men and your people.”

Everyone around was shocked to hear what Macham just said now, the seriousness of the words hung fresh in the midair, none dared to interrupt the silence, Adhavan got up, moved to the remote corner of the tent, Killivalavan accompanied him, they were followed by Mathurarayar, Athiperunar and Yuvaninathan. Poncetuceni along with Patabiraman and one of his assistants, a very old man, came close to Siddhar Macham, sat around him, enjoyed his immediate presence. Macham smiled innocently at Poncetuceni, leaned towards him, looked deep into his eyes, smiled again, gave him a lemon, said in a coarse whisper, “Don’t worry about her, she is no more your daughter, she is mine.” He paused, looked at him piercingly, smiled again, Poncetuceni was moved to tears, his mild sober turned to loud whimpers and heavy sobs, he clung to the shoulders of Siddhar Macham, cried heavily, those were tears of joy, that welled up, out of gratitude, taking this chance, Patabiraman tried to push himself close enough to get Macham’s attention, rather, Siddhar Macham, knowingly ignored Patabiraman, called out to the old man, nervously hiding behind him, he didn’t even care to look at him, hesitating a bit, the old man, came forward, Siddhar Macham looked at him intently, took his hands, placed a handful of jasmine in his hands, drew him closer, looked at him probingly, said aloud, loud enough to be heard by Patabiraman, “God is coming to see you, be ready, always be ready for him, when he comes, take him straight into your heart.” Then he reluctantly avoided Patabiraman, started addressing others one after another, there, at the remote corner, the discussion was kindled by enmity, hatred and jealousy.

Adhavan asked,

“What is that you want to know?”

They all knew it’s useless to play games with Adhavan, this time Mathurarayar put it straight,

“If Macham can become god, why can’t I?”

Athiperunar interrupted and said,

“I have built everything on my own, every single thing is because of me, but I am not respected, not the way you and Macham are being respected, when you have not done anything really worth enough, I deserve that respect too, I want to be respected, I want to be god?”

Yuvaninathan nodded in agreement, posted an earnest, sincere look, said in deep usher, as though he is saying something very secretive,

“See, Macham has supernatural powers, he is able to do it, why can’t we? What is that we lack? Why are these gods, so biased? Why?”

Adhavan stared at the twinkling stars with an awe, he grew still, he studied his breath, it was so clean, so soft, it flew in and out, without exertion of will, it was so pure, so good, he continued to watch his breathe, he travelled further, he looked deep inside, he saw within him, the sun, the moon, the light, yes, the beautiful light, the flowing light, that moved up and down, freely, uninhibited, he continued to watch the inner cosmos, it gave him a divine pleasure, a sensuous one, a bliss, he inhaled deeply, slowly he opened his eyes, sat in siddhasana, his back straightened, it grew stiff, caressing his chest, he looked at the group, their restless souls, their emotional turmoils, their self inflicted pains. Last time, he was courteous enough to answer their stupid questions, this time he just waved them off, ignored them; their questions; their egos; their anxieties; their pains; their sick souls, their mockeries, their clumsy jokes, he remained aloof, still within the whorl, within the mother’s womb, unaffected. This time, he didn’t merge with the threesome, sitting before him, boiling with rage, born out of deep hatred, he was neither interested in absorbing their pains nor breaking their forged mental barriers, a sweet aroma of sandal filled his lungs, he felt his body grow warm, felt warmer than before, closed his eyes again, focused within himself, his head very sensuously turned, a bit right, bit upwards, he saw the light, the cloudy bluish green light, the whorl within himself, after a momentary silence, he opened his eyes, he stared straight ahead into the empty space, he spoke, he spoke from deep within, from the whorl, his voice reverberated across the whole tent, it roared, it pierced the skies, travelled further into the cosmos, he spoke for everyone there, not just for the trio sitting before him, for everyone, for every single living being in the world, even Macham stopped talking, he listened avidly to the discourse.

“Throughout history, men went after people, who can read nature; decipher god’s signs; speak god’s words; heal their sicknesses; elevate their spirits; answer their woes; bless their hearts; love their wretched souls; pray for their sins; destroy their enemies; but their insatiable, ever demanding requests never ended, never will it, throughout the ages, these quests never stopped, some of those whom they searched, were naturally gifted, intrinsically aligned to the greater divine, performing what the divine wanted them to do, but others, the perilous ones, were made by men and women alike, created by them, designed specifically for themselves, performing what men wanted them to do, this not only ruined their spirits, but also of those who came to them in good will, earnestly seeking gods blessings, these later sect of people thrived further, they invoked the spirit of the dead, performed soothsaying, took to occult practices, prospered in black magic, they did much more to make people believe, that they are, in fact, voice of gods, some of them went still further, to an extent of surrendering their souls to the evil forces, used those powerful, wicked, evil souls, to perform unbelievable, supernatural things, plainly to make people believe that they are in fact gods themselves.”

“Spirits of the dead were also considered as gods, ancestors too were looked upon as gods, they were prayed to, they were asked to bless their lineage and house in plenty, in fact, these spirits are gods too, they will remain so, as along as they act in tune with divine will, the moment they let their ego, personal desires and arrogance rule over genuine goodness, uncompromisable virtues and divine supremacy they are nothing but rotten, dreaded, evil spirits, what we call as demons.”

“Men’s passion to create gods never ended, as like other material things, men started producing gods, they gave form to it, they gave a name to it, soon it became part of their daily life, for most, it became the core of their lives, everything has god in it, everything has a truth to it, as it aged, it lost its sanctity, soon, it was invaded by manipulators, politicians and merchants, they bought these gods, they became owners' property, to be destroyed and built in their own will, soon the truth in the personalized gods were mercilessly killed, giving way to their own self propaganda and manifestations, which become god's teachings, their acts were willfully campaigned as god's own doings.”

“Seldom were men born, who understood nature, lived one in harmony with it, saw truth among the filth; surrounded by the perverted human minds, filled with the stench of the decayed souls, without blames and grudges, they still saw the truth in the filth, they experienced the self, experienced the divinity in the self—the finite god part in every one, they were so one with it, they went beyond time and space, over a period of time, they lost themselves to this ever expansive, immeasurable, all pervasive god, the singular form of it, not its manifestations, the whole of it, not the truncated parts of it, thus the singularity was attained by the self, the line between the self and the wholesome god vanished, they became the gods themselves, even nature listened to them, they commanded all the five elements, they were treated as gods, to explain the same to mankind, they needed a name, the one they can use at ease, without much of a fuss, they took the same name used by mankind, for such superior power, the almighty, the God—a name given for the eternity; the divinity; the self; the mastery of the self; the oneness; the cosmos; the universe; the singularity; the greatest, the grandest, the oldest, the purest, the brightest, the largest, the thinnest, the darkest, the softest, the hardest, the toughest of all, the God—the formless; the timeless; the endless, the omnipresent, the omnipotent, the omniscient one, the one, the God. They not only spoke the words of god, they became the living manifestations of god, they very humbly allowed the divine power to act through them, some used their extensive powers harnessed by them, for the goodness of mankind, they performed miracles; they stopped downpours; they chased away drought and famine; they made rains to shower for days together; they sedated storms; they moved waters; they talked to the spirits; they healed incurable diseases; they walked the waters; they gave sight to the blind; they gave life to the dead, the list went on endlessly, people flocked around them, their souls looked out for salvation, they prostrated before them, even sacred divine souls of the dead followed them, their powers touched everyone who came around, soon they became unblemished living gods, still, none of them, not even one of them, took to a royal life, a kingly life, rather, they all lived a simple, humble, cherishable, wholesome life, one with god, one with people, one with nature, in complete harmony.”

“They didn’t create a religion, the genuine part of it is, none of them, none of the divine manifestations, wanted a religion to be created in their name, nor in God’s name, but alike, they all wanted the truth to be known, they wanted the god's words to be spread, to all of the mankind, but in vain, their teachings were coded into a finite set of simple principles, the followers of the principles gave themselves a name, so the name, along with a set of principles became a religion, these religions fought among themselves, for their supremacy, not for the individual’s, very personal, very subtle, self-realizations, they also fought against a cluster of people, who stood for ‘no god’ movements, it was painful to watch these groups clash against one another, they shed blood, killed people, raped women, burnt houses, injected prejudices, waged wars, all in the name of a religion, either for ‘God’ or for ‘No God’, it doesn’t matter, both of them never understood the truth, on the one hand, men who have never realized their self, nor god, talked too much, too loud, too arrogant, in preaching, that their god is the biggest, mightiest, greatest etc. on the other hand, there is this other group, who too have not realized god, they talk with an extra punch of arrogance, as though they are the perfect rational beings, with an extraordinary reasoning power, who knew and have gone through rationalization of all heuristic happenings in and around the world, but their arrogance commanded, humiliated, thrashed also the beliefs of genuine god-believers, it was so pathetic to see mankind turn into multiple groups, clumsily fight like fools against something that they never saw, that they never knew, that they never realized, one saying its there, another saying it is not there. Alas! both will never realize, see for themselves, the true nature of the self, the god within each one of us; deep within us, there is a small vital part of him, that resides in our soul, which is the core of everything else, living and non-living, all of it, the men, who have seen it, who have mastered it, who have experienced it, are the ones who knew about god, not the ones, who unknowingly, fanatically fight for their gods and their religions, especially not the ones who vehemently oppose the existence of gods as such.”

Punguzali was not able sit there anymore with her parents, her heart throbbed for the place of happening, she felt her world, falling apart, she silently left her parents without a word, stealthily approached the group addressed by Adhavan, sat near Athiperunar, very close to him, their shoulders brushed, they rubbed against one another, she positioned herself in such a way, she had to press her bosom hard over him, there wasn’t any valid reason for her to explicitly express, or show off her physical intimacy with Athiperunar, that too, during a public discourse, it was an act of complete immaturity, a childish promiscuity, they did this together, intentionally, purely to provoke Adhavan and Killivalavan, might be, they expected Adhavan to be like them, full of lust, jealousy and envy, they expected him to come at them personally, might be they wanted to enrage Killivalavan, force him to pick up his weapon, slash it out madly, get himself into a lot of problems, so that they could capitalize on it, destroy that hard earned good will, they wanted to turn the whole crowd against them, both of them, the becoming duo, they want to spoil the love and respect they have earned, especially that of Sarutha and Macham, she just was not able to tolerate Adhavan being raised to great heights, right before her, in a span of week’s time, it was too unlikely, an event to happen, she just was not able bear it, the worst part was, even her father, stopped his discourse, started listening to him with great reverence, even he adores him, as though he is one big god, who has jumped out of the heavens, it was too much for her, she was not able to stand any of it, for her, all of it is simply stupid, all these days, she foolishly made herself believe, that she is going to take up Sarutha’s place, sooner or later, the queen like, the adorable status, with so many people around, to do whatever you want them to do, ready to even sacrifice their life, for your whims and fancies, a princely status, a grand one, her life’s dream; her lust for power, her lust for carnal desires, her lust for greatness, were being crushed mercilessly by Adhavan, it pained her, it hurt her deep down, the sacrifices she has made are meaningless now. She cursed Adhavan for being so dramatically good, he simply takes control of everyone, everything, just like that, in whimsical seconds, everyone listens to him, everyone likes him, especially the girls adore him, everyone wanted him, even she wanted him, till now her lust for him has not changed, not even a bit, that burning lascivious fire has not ceased, she wanted him very much, wanted him to touch her, she wanted to feel him all over her body, that polished denial, that male arrogance, was one of the reasons, why she decided to chose Athiperunar, to teach him the cost of losing her, the cost of his denial, she wanted to teach him a lesson, she went over her emotions again and again, the way she has been painfully hurt, when Adhavan openly adored Senthamarai, her girls, her sister Kayalvizi, especially Mathivathani, what may, against him, till date, she seemed to be powerless, totally weak, whenever he comes around, her bones use to melt, her heart use to pound, her genital use to twitch, she would very much want to pound on him, bite his cheek hard, grab his ass, holding onto Athiperunar’s arms, she continued to stare at him openly, suddenly she felt that running impulse to pick a knife, stab him right in his heart, but she can’t do it, she can never do such a thing, even if she does it, it will pain him only for that moment, whereas she wanted him to suffer that pain, each and every day of his life, she knew by heart now, it is not love that she had for Adhavan, it is lust, burning passion, being denied of that, she wanted to hurt him, badly, deeply, hurt him as much as she could, hurt him every day, every moment, not with knives and swords, but with things that are more powerful than that, she wanted to take everything away from him, everything he is close to, everything he holds dear, she chose Athiperunar as her mighty weapon, she lured him, she seduced him, she tamed him to do anything she wanted him to do, that miserable fool, Athiperunar yielded to her charm, sick enough though, he yielded to her immoral acts, she has seduced a married man, they were already in a hell, jointly, together. Adhavan realized the sudden change, he looked at Athiperunar and Punguzali, he felt thousand pains in his heart, he almost vomited, that is the level of pain they carried in their hearts, they just wanted to transfer that pain to Adhavan, his near and dear ones, his presence has killed, even the mild hope they were left with, so they have decided to stick to their unethical ways, strongly, the karma they have been carrying along with them, lured them into it, blindfolded, they ran behind it, they just wanted him destroyed, nothing less, nothing more, they will do anything for it, they wanted him to go through the same emotional agony, the same mental turmoil, the same humiliation, they were subjected to, then, they wanted to see, if he can still talk the same way, impeccably; if he can still hold on to his values the same way, uncorrupted; if he can still walk tall and proud the same way, majestically; they challenged, if he still could manage to be the hot favorite of everyone around here.

Adhavan didn’t want to continue his discourse, but not to insult others, he broke that long pause, concluded,

“A spirit that has evolved, that has completed its spiritual evolution, that has reached the apex, that has become the god, becomes god, not others, not any of you, even if you cunningly post a wicked question, ‘If he is the son of god, what am I, son of the devil?’ he paused for a moment, looked piercingly at Yuvaninathan, continued, “it will not be given to you, if you are not worth of it, everyone of us is a son of god, there need not be any doubt in it, it’s the spiritual evolution that matters, that counts. Change, do change, change for betterment, not for vicissitude.”

Right at that moment, Macham raised both his hands well above his head, clapped hard, a sign for Adhavan to stop his discourse, then, he started chanting loudly, ‘Sivahyaa Namahaa, Sivahyaa Namahaa, Om Namah Sivahyaa...’, the whole crowd chanted with him, Mathivathani got up, lit five ghee lamps in front of the mount, Sarutha and Kayalvizi placed few ragi adais, honey, milk, fruits, water, before the five lamps, then mother and daughters joined the chanting, a basket full of jasmine was placed before Macham, he threw those flowers at the center of the dais, continued to chant, ‘Sivahyaa Namahaa, Sivahyaa Namahaa, Om Namah Sivahyaa...’, the crowd roared back like a thunder, some blew the conch shells, some hit the tabor, some played the long brass pipes, the prayer continued for a long time, longer than expected, as soon as the loud chanting pierced the skies, Athiperunar, Mathurarayar and Yuvaninathan left the tent, half-heartedly, unsatisfied, empty handed, only wish sacred ash. Troubled Punguzali, unable to bear the music and chanting wanted to leave the camp immediately, she requested her brother Koperunkilli to accompany her back to the house, without informing Sarutha, she left the tent. Killivalavan though he understood the situation well, he didn’t express his opinions, he and Adhavan, went out of the tent, sat on the plain grounds, looked at the beautiful moon, a cool wind circled them, a sweet fragrance of freshly ground sandalwood filled their lungs, they continued to watch the beautiful moon, and the floating clouds, outside the tent, nearby the small pond. Inside the tent, Sarutha was moved to higher ecstatic states, at one point of time, unaware, she stopped chanting, saw a bright lamp, hanging midair, without base, without wick, without support, just on its own, she came out of the trance, opened her eyes, Macham was looking at her with a faint smile, he rolled his mustache triumphantly, then continued to chant, an immense joy took over her, she felt sweet spasms in her heart, she got the answer to the question she raised earlier this day, it is Siddhar Tiger Paw, who was given the center place in the dais, the sheer thought of it made her so happy, she was moved to tears, the chanting continued, tears of joy welled her eyes.

 (To be continued...)

Written on Dates: 06/30;07/03;07/09–07/19

About Adhavan

Chapter 01 The Realization of the Vocation

Chapter 02 The First Glimpse of the Third Eye

Chapter 03 The Complete Surrender

Chapter 04 The Sacredness of the Divine Incarnation

Chapter 05 The Veneration of a Guru

Chapter 06 The Immortality

Chapter 07 The Art of Dying

Chapter 08 The Good Cause

Chapter 09 The First Dissemination

Chapter 10 The One behind the Spiritual Transformation
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions

Chapter 12 The Insight of the Divine Lamp
Chapter 13 The Great Four

Chapter 14 The Final Samadhi
Chapter 15 The Blossoming Love
Chapter 16 The Divine Intervention