Chapter 12: The Insight of the Divine Lamp
The fall of the mind for the inner lamp.
Translation
The bluish light acting on
the forehead
Probe and see through it, the
lamp within
He sought it religiously, became
the divine supremacy
Of those who were there, he
is my guru
—Siddhar Sivavakkiyar Song (163)
Things that befall naturally, as you go, in its own flow, has a sweetness that lasts forever, these ones sprout, when there exists, a harmonious fusion between the giver and the receiver, on the contrary, if there is even a slight, tender, deviant conflict between the giver and the receiver, the fusion goes erroneous, all its attempts go futile, soon, these conflicts tend to grow exponentially larger, multiplying fractions into it, creating out of proportion large-scale sectarian groups, revealing deep, external partitions, exposing well, their inner self, highly conflicted souls, lamented with numerous mental rifts, unbearable to bear any more of this heavy burden, born of deep internal clashes within, the crevices that later grew largely uncontrolled into the larger population set. That many rifts you create in your mind, that many rifts you see in the world, that many rifts you see in the world, that many perceptions haunt your soul—all together drastically, pulling you farther away from the greater oneness, with each increasing perception you are actually sprinting away from the truth; the elusive, the most sought, the most pursued oneness, a state of mind without mental rifts and perceptions, until then, all your ascetic, painful efforts are merely additional burdens you levy on yourself, leading to a, strenuous, sweat-draining, fatigue-ridden, uphill walk, almost every one of them has failed many a times, in this arduous journey, in a short impulse, they all climbed half-way around, returned back to the basement, with empty hands and empty hearts, claiming that there is nothing worth fulfilling out there, for taking up such a painful journey—a fallible remark, one another blind perception of a blind soul.
Sarutha, gasped for breath as she rushed inside the hut, she was obviously shocked to see all her girls sitting there, working longer than the stipulated hours, while their kids and husbands were waiting for them at home, sadness trickled down their long faces, grief stricken workers have given only third rated outputs, on the other hand, Punguzali, was laughing her life out with, Mathurarayar and Athiperunar, there was something else odd in her disposition, she has pulled down her tops a bit, exposing well, the starting line of the cleavage of her breasts. On seeing Sarutha and Adhavan, the laughter of the three subsided, in an unnoticeable moment, Punguzali, corrected her tops delicately, by moving her left arm to her back, pinching her tops using her thumb and index finger, pulling it slightly down, this she did so involuntarily, well trying to safeguard her position before Sarutha, Adhavan can’t help appreciating it for the delicacy she had to it, she then continued to talk to them about the palmscripts, as though they have been talking about the same for all these hours, nothing else, whereas, the light in the eyes of the tribal women shone with hope, they got excited, they knew, they will all be chased out of the house soon, the other two daughters were happy too, they can allow their backs, a bit of rest.
Sarutha had such an impeccable composure, she neither shouted nor did she grudge, ignoring the trio, she went to the working women, smiled at them and said, “You all please get off my house now, immediately.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “I don’t want to see any of your sad faces tomorrow, please do take an off.”
Punguzali yelled, “Amma, I have promised them, to deliver all of it today itself, that is the reason I requested them to work so long.”
Sarutha was struck by the part of the sentence, ‘that is the reason I requested them to work so long’, it straight away implied that it is not the reason they have been waiting for. On the first hand, she never asked Punguzali, why they were staying, it must have been obvious to anyone, for they have been waiting for their goods, being processed for long hours. Actually, it would have raised a bit of doubt on the part of men, of such high incredible social status, to wait all by themselves, of course not on her own girl, till that moment, she didn’t have the heart to suspect her own little girl, but the unwanted, meaningful stress on the reason, attributed by her, for their over scheduled, prolonged staying, inconceivably has a hidden meaning to it, her sweet little girl has megrims, she thinks that her mother can’t fathom about, it’s high time, she must know, that her mother has come across much worse, real time, hard core, dupes, frauds and crooked minds who were professionals and whose trade was sheer forgery.
With all that in mind, Sarutha walked towards the kitchen, intentionally, delayed the reply for a few more moments, waited over it, spat it out very slowly, showing off, very little interest in the discussion, “Please do keep to your words, you and your sisters can work it all by yourselves, the whole night is still waiting out there, for you to attend to your committed work, every hour counts, whereas, these gentlemen can comfortably wait in the Veranda, ease themselves, allured by the charm of the sensuous nights, the nature has provided us with.”
Mathurarayar stung by the insult, hastily told Punguzali, “We are not vagabonds or homeless men to stay in the verandas, we will send our men to grab those wretched dried leaves, tomorrow morning, the earliest.”
Saying that, the pair angrily left the hut, leaving behind potential seeds, capable of a big time tragedy, about to put forth its first leaves, which may, even spread into a dense wilderness, if not uprooted instantly.
Punguzali, stormed the room quickly, went back and forth, trying to pick up a strong argument to start a good fight, she was badly insulted before the men of great status and wealth, the tribal girls were also there, they will not respect her anymore, her, ‘nothing doing’, ‘must do’, ‘by all means’ those rich, fine, fabricated stories, henceforth, will not have the desired effect on them, Adhavan was also there, she had felt his probing eyes, that somehow sees the truth, amidst the mess of countless lies, all these random thoughts, made her tears well up, knowing, she didn’t have anything to back her up, crying, she rushed out swiftly to the backyard, deeply crushed by the humiliation, no one went behind her, none tried to stop her, that at least could have consoled her a bit, rather, Sarutha was in the kitchen, preparing supper along with her sweet cantillation, its reverberations filled the whole hut, transforming the stressful war like atmosphere into a haven of safe grounds. The younger ones were struck between their mother and their elder sister, especially Kayalvizi, she often turned around to see her mother, so by chance she will come and free them, from heavy tiresome work she was made to do, her back was paining terribly, Mathivathani didn’t utter even a single word, though the pain of long hours of continuous work was still visible on her sweet face, she didn’t show it up, rather she took the pain in, continued to work in the same rhythm, undisturbed. Adhavan approached Kayalvizi and asked her, “Can I help you?”, she became nervous, squeezing her palms together, biting her lower lips, she turned around to her mother, looked up to her for her much needed intervention, Mathivathani can’t help hiding her smile, slowly it crossed her lips, her dark skin glowed under the golden hue emanated by the oil lamps, even now she looked fresh like water lilies, her eyes were still glued to the work she was doing. Sarutha, intervened, looked straight into Adhavan’s eyes and said, “No. You are tired, go have a bath, take a new pair of Killi’s dhotis, ease yourself, come back for a hot, steamy supper.” Adhavan realized that it was more an order, than a request, so he knew, not to persuade any further, it was a better way of saying, “Get out now, it’s none of your business.” Sarutha was of the diplomatic type, she knows the art of putting bad things together, with a few socially acceptable words of right kind, thinking about the happening made him only laugh internally, as bid by her, he went inside, picked up fresh dhotis that smelled of fresh wild lemons, walked smoothly out to the pond to ease himself of the day’s fatigue.
He heard Sarutha’s voice saying, “Now you both can have an hour break, before you get back to your work and help your sister to keep to her words.”
Kayalvizi protested, “Why should we suffer, just because she got committed to it, the whole day from noon you left, she didn’t even come around to help us, if she was helpful, the whole thing would have been completed by now, she was just doing nothing but showing off, to those ogling men.”
Adhavan heard the trouble brewing in, the war of words were being raged upon, list of accusations were traded across, the heavy downpour may take some time to subside, he expected at the least an hour for things to settle down on their own pace, until then he can spend his time leisurely in the deep, cool, moonlit, pond.
Sarutha came from the kitchen, slapped hard on Kayalvizi’s left cheek, pulled her silky slippery hair, said in soft whispers, “You will not talk again on your sister, whatever a bitch she might be. Is that clear?” She then swiftly turned around, walked towards the kitchen, this time, she didn’t chant, rather she was looking over the pot intently, continued stirring the ragi porridge, letting her worries mix with the porridge, then she suddenly realized, that the food made with a sad heart will taste bitter to the diners heart, so she pushed of her sadness, continued her chanting that helped to keep her mind away from melancholy.
Kayalvizi was all in tears, she sobbed heavily, it was loud enough to bring Punguzali back to the hut, she looked at Kayalvizi with a malicious grin, she kept looking at her, enjoyed till her heavy sobs subsided into slight whimpers, slowly, her eyes turned towards Mathivathani, she must have read her mind, she hurriedly packed her things, kept them aside, walked fast into the kitchen, to assist her mother. For time being, it’s the best safety measure, she can get to, in safeguarding herself from Punguzali’s wrath, she somehow will get her trapped into it, though she was not a bit involved in all this melodrama, it is the habit of Punguzali, if she was hurt, she will make sure all others around are hurt, it has instilled fear in them, so they neither assist her nor overpower her with advises, she is so sadistic sometimes, she has inflicted terrible pain on the prey she gets a hold on, levitates the cross on them, will then smilingly watch them crushing under its own weight. It’s always better to avoid Punguzali, in vengeance, she will inflict terrible pain on whoever comes across, rather than, the one who caused the pain, else to elude the situation, one should accept and surrender to her defacto standpoint, accept her as all knowing, all gone through, greater and better than all, whosoever it might be. Now in today’s standpoint, Punguzali was not at all satisfied with the tears shed by Kayalvizi, she wanted Mathivathani to compensate for that, she went into the kitchen, tried to talk her into making some bad comment on her, she didn’t yield, she eluded all her cunning questions, unable to bait her into the discussions, she turned to Sarutha and asked her, “How long have you been planning to insult me?” Sarutha never lost her composure, she said, “From the day you were in my womb.” Punguzali gave her a wry smile, behind the smile, her state was explicitly clear, she was deeply hurt, she knew, she had never been able to outwit Sarutha, she had hurt her many times, she looked into her face, with that malicious grin, laughing into it she said smilingly, “Now I understand, why my uncles have chased you out of the palace?” Mathivathani dropped the small box she had in her hands, her jaws dropped, she felt the pain, she had finally hurt Mathivathani, though she aimed her sharp words at Sarutha, but Sarutha’s expression didn’t even change a bit, she was devoid of any expression that Punguzali was eagerly looking out for, tired of the wicked games she was playing, she went to Kayalvizi and smiled at her, it was an unspoken message between them, “See I have been hurt, still I am smiling, I am strong, look at you, how weak you are, crying like a baby.” Kayalvizi was not able to stand her hard glance, it poked her heart, she ran into the kitchen, stood beside Sarutha, earnestly waiting for her, to talk to her. Losing patience, she started literally begging, “Amma, please Amma, please talk to me, I won’t talk again like that, look at me Amma, please...”
Sarutha neither talked to Kayalvizi nor Punguzali, rather she told Mathivathani, to prepare for Supper, taking that as a relief note, as though it was said to her, Kayalvizi joined Mathivathani immediately, started helping her, happy to do whatever her mother wanted to do. The chanting infected the girls, they continued chanting along with her mother, “Sivayyaaha Namaha, Sivayyaaha Namaha, Om Namah Sivayyaaha.” Chanting is the best way to maintain one’s integrity, it helps to wade of unwanted thoughts, connect with the element we are chanting about, mix with the divinity, empower oneself to maintain clarity of mind amidst greater chaos, in fact, it helps oneself attune with the divine voice, through which the element being chanted upon will talk in clear decipherable notes, whatever the chanting might be, you need to do it religiously to reap its full benefits; it could be ‘Narayana, Narayana, Narayana,’, ‘Hare Mahadeva, Sambo Mahadeva’, ‘Hare Rama, Hare Krishna’, ‘Sivayavasi, Sivayavasi, Sivayavasi’, ‘So-ahm, So-ahm, So-ahm’ etc. If you have raised your position to do the chanting from your heart you have taken a step further in mastering your mind, it’s better to chant openly, rather by heart as it may trick you into losing the rhythm of chanting and break its continuity. Only people who have really mastered their mind, can chant by heart uninhibitedly, amidst greater chaos, critical situations and day-to-day jolts, the mantras you choose is very important, it has to mix with your soul, should keep ringing in your mind, so it is better to seek your guru first, before choosing your mantras, get your mula mantra from your guru, he may even choose to teach you, on the way you need to breathe in, the way you need to breath out, while you chant the mantra. If he doesn’t want you to chant, it is better that you stop chanting, you can even chant on your guru, in fact, it helps you to get closely associated with him always, you can feel him inside you, when you chant on him, going furthermore is the dream elated situation where even chanting is not a necessity anymore, that is when your mind will stop when you want it to stop, run when you want it to run, your mind is one with the prana, everything is under control, you have mastered yourself, you have attained the epitome of human excellence, next are the ashtama siddhis, they are the additional gifts, that will be bestowed upon you, for the divine purpose you have taken up, it will be given unto you when you are ready for receiving those divine gifts. Fools are those who say, chanting is absolute waste, they are not even in the first stage of the spiritual transformation, but they consider to have reached the higher states, where chanting is not a anymore necessity, the ideal state, where you and what you have been chanting upon has become one and the same or the state where you have struck the divine cord and your mind is glued to it, as told by Siddhar Korakar in “Korakar Chandra Rekai”, that is when your mind can drop chanting, finally, it has caught hold of what is being chanted upon, there are also other fools or would say much worse, who consider that their mantra is better than all others, they are, those arrogant, ignorant, personae, whom you don’t need to give a crap about, choose what goes well with your heart,dwell on it.
Punguzali, was not able to withstand the cantillation of the trio, she yelled, “Can’t you say that in your mind, I can’t get to work. Don’t you see that? God is everywhere, he is within you too, why then you are all chanting the hell out of me. God is all love and silence, he doesn’t hurt, don’t disturb him like you are disturbing me now.” Kayalvizi and Mathivathani stopped chanting, reflexively, but Sarutha didn’t heed, she continued to chant, following her, the girls continued chanting again, this time bit slowly, they just murmured, the lowliest way of chanting. Still, Punguzali was not able to withstand the force of chanting, it was like all those words, each one of them attacked her troubled mind, she broke into wobbles of cries, she cried aloud, no one dare attempt to get anywhere near her, Sarutha increased the intensity of her chanting, approached her, placed her hands over her head, fondled her slowly, caressed her smoothly, Punguzali succumbed to her touch of love, she yielded, Sarutha took her by her arms, led her to the supper. The girls had their supper fast and started working on the palmscripts, while, Sarutha continued her chanting, the girls continued their work, this time Punguzali didn’t resist her, she allowed the cantillation to get into her, it eased the insult levied on her today, it was difficult on her part, to work along with her sisters, after being at the helm for a long time. It is also a great lesson for her not to change the norms set by Sarutha again, still her heart was not all smooth and quiet, it had hurt her deeply, she will pay back this insult and many more, when her time comes, she will take her vengeance, she is not of the type to let go and forgive, which she always expects from others, but not from her.
Adhavan entered into the hut, all them turned to look at him, he has not wiped his body, droplets of water clung to his shiny body like hanging pearls, ignoring the foursome, he went straight into the pooja room, recollected the way Killi applied ashes stylishly, all over his body, literally, he became Killi, he applied it all over his body in a similar way. The smeared ash on the water rolls got stuck to his bare skin, as the skin dried, the triplets started shining on him, he looked at himself, the triplets made him childishly happy. Sarutha was ready with a mug of ragi porridge mixed with buttermilk in right proportions and a plate full of deeply boiled smash of vegetable curry, which he took from her, heartily. He sat close to her, started savoring the food slowly, Punguzali, can’t help staring at him, she stared at him continuously, his sheer presence brought smiles to her, she liked the triplets on his high forehead, she told herself, ‘he is my sunshine, he is all gleaming’, from that day onwards she started calling him ‘My Sunshine’. Kayalvizi, often looked at him, every time she looked at him, she wanted to look at him again and again, he was so irresistible to her, his handsome looks pulled her magnetically towards him. Mathivathani the youngest of all, just stole a glance of him, it made her smile from her heart, she kept smiling the whole night. Adhavan knew well, what he was doing to all these three girls, but pretended like, he was not aware of it, continued to have his food slowly, after the ravaging storm, he brought back the joy that was missing therefore. Sarutha kept looking at him, her eyes probed the inner depths of his soul, her eyes watered, involuntarily, Adhavan was able to feel her gaze, it touched his soul, whereas Punguzali’s gaze touched every part of his body that was the difference between their gazes.
Once he had his supper, Sarutha went along with him, made his bed, placed a mug of hot water, wished him a good night, left his mind alone to wander with the intriguing web of stars. Adhavan pondered over the day’s happenings, it was the sixth night, he was staying away from home, he could well say, the previous place he was residing, post realization, it has become difficult for him to call any specific place as his home, so many things have changed by now, he has undergone so much of spiritual transformation, that he oddly recognizes himself now, his old identity has literally ceased to exist, he felt anew, even the intense, mind-wobbling tractates, the smiles of the beautiful, charming girls, the immaculate, adorable, scenic nature, all seem to be a passing cloud, nothing penetrated him, nor did it really get to his heart, they all seem to be prosaic third rated events, before the grand vortex through which his prana soared up to the heavens. Immersed in such deep thoughts, unaware, he slowly dozed off. It was around midnight, when Adhavan felt a hand over him, it touched him softly at the center of his bosom, he was not able to open his eyes, but he saw where it touched, he saw the shining lamp inside his body, exactly at the location where he was touched, the flow of the body reversed, everything fluid inside his body seem to flow towards the lamp inside, increasing the vibrations in his body to greater multitudes, the bright, whitish male form sitting to his right, lifted up his palm, his flow became normal, the vibrations subsided, he looked intently at the being, it was the same one, which stood at the end of Peruvazhi, during his first visit to the Vasimuni hills, this time along with him a dark female form has come, it was sitting to his left, she talked to the whitish male form in soft whispers, ‘You must ask him to pay a visit to us’, Adhavan recognized the voice so much, it belonged to the one who talked through him to Macham, the night when he and Macham were talking about the divine incarnations, the night when Macham prostrated before him. The white form replied in a deep resonating voice, “As per his karma, he has to initiate five of his disciples, before he pays his first visit.” He realized this voice too, the masculine roaring one, it belonged to the one, who have been talking to him in his trances, lately. Now, the dark female form touched him exactly at the same location, where the whitish form touched him, again the flow revered, he saw the lamp inside his body, she took off her hands, the flow became normal, then she slowly leaned over him, looked hard at the ash he had smeared on his forehead, very sensuously, slowly, she rubbed off the ash on his forehead, that very much reminded him of Mathivathani, smoothing the dried palm leaves with the conch shell, the dark form now winked at him, it slowly turned out into a beautiful, charismatic smile, that was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life, it also told him, that she knew everything about him, nothing could be hidden from her, she touched the center of the bosom again, the flow reversed, the vibrations were so high, his body started quivering with an uncontrollable, extraordinary ecstasy, she took her hands off, the flow became normal, she talked to him, “Did you see the lamp because the ashes were on your forehead?” Adhavan replied, “No” the dark form, then asked him again, in a sing song voice, the sweetest he had ever heard, “Did you see the lamp because the ashes weren't there on your forehead?” Adhavan thought for a moment and replied, “No”, she started reciting, “Listen carefully, you are an enlightened man, you have witnessed the grand truth, you need to stand by it, the world out there is very tricky, they have a diabolic tongue, they will manipulate your doings, your innocence and your sweetness, they will fabricate it to their own stories that which may alienate from the truth, hence withhold from religious expressions, profess only truth, adhere to it and live by it.” He wanted to reply, but he was not able to open his mouth, he tried to get up, but he felt chained to the grounds, he wanted to follow them, he tried desperately, tried again with all his might, but he failed miserably, both of them left him, slowly the hold eased on him, he opened his eyes, they have just vanished the face of the earth. Right on the spot they were sitting, he had a foot long white feather to his right and a foot long black feather to his left, both belonged to the birds that he had never seen before, he checked on the ash on his forehead it had been rubbed off, he was totally immobilized and stuck, it took some time to recollect his senses back, he started thinking, for all these days he was led by them, it’s all their doings, he could not hide anything from them, they knew why he was here, what he was doing, why he was doing it, they knew his purpose, they have been guarding it very secretly, they have put him with Macham and his family, the white male form belongs to Guru Athri, the dark female form belongs to his female counterpart, Annai Anushya Devi. He became so anxious, he wanted to share this information to everyone, he wanted to shout it aloud, wake up every one of them and yell at their ears of things he has seen. Since it was too early to wake up anyone, he controlled his emotions, eased himself, slowly dozed off into a peaceful sleep, in his dreams he saw the most beautiful places rich and abundant, never before seen animal and birds, great waterfalls, deep canyons, clear blue ponds, a brand new forest that is ten-folds denser, richer and sexier than the ones he has seen in his lifetime.
Sarutha, gasped for breath as she rushed inside the hut, she was obviously shocked to see all her girls sitting there, working longer than the stipulated hours, while their kids and husbands were waiting for them at home, sadness trickled down their long faces, grief stricken workers have given only third rated outputs, on the other hand, Punguzali, was laughing her life out with, Mathurarayar and Athiperunar, there was something else odd in her disposition, she has pulled down her tops a bit, exposing well, the starting line of the cleavage of her breasts. On seeing Sarutha and Adhavan, the laughter of the three subsided, in an unnoticeable moment, Punguzali, corrected her tops delicately, by moving her left arm to her back, pinching her tops using her thumb and index finger, pulling it slightly down, this she did so involuntarily, well trying to safeguard her position before Sarutha, Adhavan can’t help appreciating it for the delicacy she had to it, she then continued to talk to them about the palmscripts, as though they have been talking about the same for all these hours, nothing else, whereas, the light in the eyes of the tribal women shone with hope, they got excited, they knew, they will all be chased out of the house soon, the other two daughters were happy too, they can allow their backs, a bit of rest.
Sarutha had such an impeccable composure, she neither shouted nor did she grudge, ignoring the trio, she went to the working women, smiled at them and said, “You all please get off my house now, immediately.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “I don’t want to see any of your sad faces tomorrow, please do take an off.”
Punguzali yelled, “Amma, I have promised them, to deliver all of it today itself, that is the reason I requested them to work so long.”
Sarutha was struck by the part of the sentence, ‘that is the reason I requested them to work so long’, it straight away implied that it is not the reason they have been waiting for. On the first hand, she never asked Punguzali, why they were staying, it must have been obvious to anyone, for they have been waiting for their goods, being processed for long hours. Actually, it would have raised a bit of doubt on the part of men, of such high incredible social status, to wait all by themselves, of course not on her own girl, till that moment, she didn’t have the heart to suspect her own little girl, but the unwanted, meaningful stress on the reason, attributed by her, for their over scheduled, prolonged staying, inconceivably has a hidden meaning to it, her sweet little girl has megrims, she thinks that her mother can’t fathom about, it’s high time, she must know, that her mother has come across much worse, real time, hard core, dupes, frauds and crooked minds who were professionals and whose trade was sheer forgery.
With all that in mind, Sarutha walked towards the kitchen, intentionally, delayed the reply for a few more moments, waited over it, spat it out very slowly, showing off, very little interest in the discussion, “Please do keep to your words, you and your sisters can work it all by yourselves, the whole night is still waiting out there, for you to attend to your committed work, every hour counts, whereas, these gentlemen can comfortably wait in the Veranda, ease themselves, allured by the charm of the sensuous nights, the nature has provided us with.”
Mathurarayar stung by the insult, hastily told Punguzali, “We are not vagabonds or homeless men to stay in the verandas, we will send our men to grab those wretched dried leaves, tomorrow morning, the earliest.”
Saying that, the pair angrily left the hut, leaving behind potential seeds, capable of a big time tragedy, about to put forth its first leaves, which may, even spread into a dense wilderness, if not uprooted instantly.
Punguzali, stormed the room quickly, went back and forth, trying to pick up a strong argument to start a good fight, she was badly insulted before the men of great status and wealth, the tribal girls were also there, they will not respect her anymore, her, ‘nothing doing’, ‘must do’, ‘by all means’ those rich, fine, fabricated stories, henceforth, will not have the desired effect on them, Adhavan was also there, she had felt his probing eyes, that somehow sees the truth, amidst the mess of countless lies, all these random thoughts, made her tears well up, knowing, she didn’t have anything to back her up, crying, she rushed out swiftly to the backyard, deeply crushed by the humiliation, no one went behind her, none tried to stop her, that at least could have consoled her a bit, rather, Sarutha was in the kitchen, preparing supper along with her sweet cantillation, its reverberations filled the whole hut, transforming the stressful war like atmosphere into a haven of safe grounds. The younger ones were struck between their mother and their elder sister, especially Kayalvizi, she often turned around to see her mother, so by chance she will come and free them, from heavy tiresome work she was made to do, her back was paining terribly, Mathivathani didn’t utter even a single word, though the pain of long hours of continuous work was still visible on her sweet face, she didn’t show it up, rather she took the pain in, continued to work in the same rhythm, undisturbed. Adhavan approached Kayalvizi and asked her, “Can I help you?”, she became nervous, squeezing her palms together, biting her lower lips, she turned around to her mother, looked up to her for her much needed intervention, Mathivathani can’t help hiding her smile, slowly it crossed her lips, her dark skin glowed under the golden hue emanated by the oil lamps, even now she looked fresh like water lilies, her eyes were still glued to the work she was doing. Sarutha, intervened, looked straight into Adhavan’s eyes and said, “No. You are tired, go have a bath, take a new pair of Killi’s dhotis, ease yourself, come back for a hot, steamy supper.” Adhavan realized that it was more an order, than a request, so he knew, not to persuade any further, it was a better way of saying, “Get out now, it’s none of your business.” Sarutha was of the diplomatic type, she knows the art of putting bad things together, with a few socially acceptable words of right kind, thinking about the happening made him only laugh internally, as bid by her, he went inside, picked up fresh dhotis that smelled of fresh wild lemons, walked smoothly out to the pond to ease himself of the day’s fatigue.
He heard Sarutha’s voice saying, “Now you both can have an hour break, before you get back to your work and help your sister to keep to her words.”
Kayalvizi protested, “Why should we suffer, just because she got committed to it, the whole day from noon you left, she didn’t even come around to help us, if she was helpful, the whole thing would have been completed by now, she was just doing nothing but showing off, to those ogling men.”
Adhavan heard the trouble brewing in, the war of words were being raged upon, list of accusations were traded across, the heavy downpour may take some time to subside, he expected at the least an hour for things to settle down on their own pace, until then he can spend his time leisurely in the deep, cool, moonlit, pond.
Sarutha came from the kitchen, slapped hard on Kayalvizi’s left cheek, pulled her silky slippery hair, said in soft whispers, “You will not talk again on your sister, whatever a bitch she might be. Is that clear?” She then swiftly turned around, walked towards the kitchen, this time, she didn’t chant, rather she was looking over the pot intently, continued stirring the ragi porridge, letting her worries mix with the porridge, then she suddenly realized, that the food made with a sad heart will taste bitter to the diners heart, so she pushed of her sadness, continued her chanting that helped to keep her mind away from melancholy.
Kayalvizi was all in tears, she sobbed heavily, it was loud enough to bring Punguzali back to the hut, she looked at Kayalvizi with a malicious grin, she kept looking at her, enjoyed till her heavy sobs subsided into slight whimpers, slowly, her eyes turned towards Mathivathani, she must have read her mind, she hurriedly packed her things, kept them aside, walked fast into the kitchen, to assist her mother. For time being, it’s the best safety measure, she can get to, in safeguarding herself from Punguzali’s wrath, she somehow will get her trapped into it, though she was not a bit involved in all this melodrama, it is the habit of Punguzali, if she was hurt, she will make sure all others around are hurt, it has instilled fear in them, so they neither assist her nor overpower her with advises, she is so sadistic sometimes, she has inflicted terrible pain on the prey she gets a hold on, levitates the cross on them, will then smilingly watch them crushing under its own weight. It’s always better to avoid Punguzali, in vengeance, she will inflict terrible pain on whoever comes across, rather than, the one who caused the pain, else to elude the situation, one should accept and surrender to her defacto standpoint, accept her as all knowing, all gone through, greater and better than all, whosoever it might be. Now in today’s standpoint, Punguzali was not at all satisfied with the tears shed by Kayalvizi, she wanted Mathivathani to compensate for that, she went into the kitchen, tried to talk her into making some bad comment on her, she didn’t yield, she eluded all her cunning questions, unable to bait her into the discussions, she turned to Sarutha and asked her, “How long have you been planning to insult me?” Sarutha never lost her composure, she said, “From the day you were in my womb.” Punguzali gave her a wry smile, behind the smile, her state was explicitly clear, she was deeply hurt, she knew, she had never been able to outwit Sarutha, she had hurt her many times, she looked into her face, with that malicious grin, laughing into it she said smilingly, “Now I understand, why my uncles have chased you out of the palace?” Mathivathani dropped the small box she had in her hands, her jaws dropped, she felt the pain, she had finally hurt Mathivathani, though she aimed her sharp words at Sarutha, but Sarutha’s expression didn’t even change a bit, she was devoid of any expression that Punguzali was eagerly looking out for, tired of the wicked games she was playing, she went to Kayalvizi and smiled at her, it was an unspoken message between them, “See I have been hurt, still I am smiling, I am strong, look at you, how weak you are, crying like a baby.” Kayalvizi was not able to stand her hard glance, it poked her heart, she ran into the kitchen, stood beside Sarutha, earnestly waiting for her, to talk to her. Losing patience, she started literally begging, “Amma, please Amma, please talk to me, I won’t talk again like that, look at me Amma, please...”
Sarutha neither talked to Kayalvizi nor Punguzali, rather she told Mathivathani, to prepare for Supper, taking that as a relief note, as though it was said to her, Kayalvizi joined Mathivathani immediately, started helping her, happy to do whatever her mother wanted to do. The chanting infected the girls, they continued chanting along with her mother, “Sivayyaaha Namaha, Sivayyaaha Namaha, Om Namah Sivayyaaha.” Chanting is the best way to maintain one’s integrity, it helps to wade of unwanted thoughts, connect with the element we are chanting about, mix with the divinity, empower oneself to maintain clarity of mind amidst greater chaos, in fact, it helps oneself attune with the divine voice, through which the element being chanted upon will talk in clear decipherable notes, whatever the chanting might be, you need to do it religiously to reap its full benefits; it could be ‘Narayana, Narayana, Narayana,’, ‘Hare Mahadeva, Sambo Mahadeva’, ‘Hare Rama, Hare Krishna’, ‘Sivayavasi, Sivayavasi, Sivayavasi’, ‘So-ahm, So-ahm, So-ahm’ etc. If you have raised your position to do the chanting from your heart you have taken a step further in mastering your mind, it’s better to chant openly, rather by heart as it may trick you into losing the rhythm of chanting and break its continuity. Only people who have really mastered their mind, can chant by heart uninhibitedly, amidst greater chaos, critical situations and day-to-day jolts, the mantras you choose is very important, it has to mix with your soul, should keep ringing in your mind, so it is better to seek your guru first, before choosing your mantras, get your mula mantra from your guru, he may even choose to teach you, on the way you need to breathe in, the way you need to breath out, while you chant the mantra. If he doesn’t want you to chant, it is better that you stop chanting, you can even chant on your guru, in fact, it helps you to get closely associated with him always, you can feel him inside you, when you chant on him, going furthermore is the dream elated situation where even chanting is not a necessity anymore, that is when your mind will stop when you want it to stop, run when you want it to run, your mind is one with the prana, everything is under control, you have mastered yourself, you have attained the epitome of human excellence, next are the ashtama siddhis, they are the additional gifts, that will be bestowed upon you, for the divine purpose you have taken up, it will be given unto you when you are ready for receiving those divine gifts. Fools are those who say, chanting is absolute waste, they are not even in the first stage of the spiritual transformation, but they consider to have reached the higher states, where chanting is not a anymore necessity, the ideal state, where you and what you have been chanting upon has become one and the same or the state where you have struck the divine cord and your mind is glued to it, as told by Siddhar Korakar in “Korakar Chandra Rekai”, that is when your mind can drop chanting, finally, it has caught hold of what is being chanted upon, there are also other fools or would say much worse, who consider that their mantra is better than all others, they are, those arrogant, ignorant, personae, whom you don’t need to give a crap about, choose what goes well with your heart,dwell on it.
Punguzali, was not able to withstand the cantillation of the trio, she yelled, “Can’t you say that in your mind, I can’t get to work. Don’t you see that? God is everywhere, he is within you too, why then you are all chanting the hell out of me. God is all love and silence, he doesn’t hurt, don’t disturb him like you are disturbing me now.” Kayalvizi and Mathivathani stopped chanting, reflexively, but Sarutha didn’t heed, she continued to chant, following her, the girls continued chanting again, this time bit slowly, they just murmured, the lowliest way of chanting. Still, Punguzali was not able to withstand the force of chanting, it was like all those words, each one of them attacked her troubled mind, she broke into wobbles of cries, she cried aloud, no one dare attempt to get anywhere near her, Sarutha increased the intensity of her chanting, approached her, placed her hands over her head, fondled her slowly, caressed her smoothly, Punguzali succumbed to her touch of love, she yielded, Sarutha took her by her arms, led her to the supper. The girls had their supper fast and started working on the palmscripts, while, Sarutha continued her chanting, the girls continued their work, this time Punguzali didn’t resist her, she allowed the cantillation to get into her, it eased the insult levied on her today, it was difficult on her part, to work along with her sisters, after being at the helm for a long time. It is also a great lesson for her not to change the norms set by Sarutha again, still her heart was not all smooth and quiet, it had hurt her deeply, she will pay back this insult and many more, when her time comes, she will take her vengeance, she is not of the type to let go and forgive, which she always expects from others, but not from her.
Adhavan entered into the hut, all them turned to look at him, he has not wiped his body, droplets of water clung to his shiny body like hanging pearls, ignoring the foursome, he went straight into the pooja room, recollected the way Killi applied ashes stylishly, all over his body, literally, he became Killi, he applied it all over his body in a similar way. The smeared ash on the water rolls got stuck to his bare skin, as the skin dried, the triplets started shining on him, he looked at himself, the triplets made him childishly happy. Sarutha was ready with a mug of ragi porridge mixed with buttermilk in right proportions and a plate full of deeply boiled smash of vegetable curry, which he took from her, heartily. He sat close to her, started savoring the food slowly, Punguzali, can’t help staring at him, she stared at him continuously, his sheer presence brought smiles to her, she liked the triplets on his high forehead, she told herself, ‘he is my sunshine, he is all gleaming’, from that day onwards she started calling him ‘My Sunshine’. Kayalvizi, often looked at him, every time she looked at him, she wanted to look at him again and again, he was so irresistible to her, his handsome looks pulled her magnetically towards him. Mathivathani the youngest of all, just stole a glance of him, it made her smile from her heart, she kept smiling the whole night. Adhavan knew well, what he was doing to all these three girls, but pretended like, he was not aware of it, continued to have his food slowly, after the ravaging storm, he brought back the joy that was missing therefore. Sarutha kept looking at him, her eyes probed the inner depths of his soul, her eyes watered, involuntarily, Adhavan was able to feel her gaze, it touched his soul, whereas Punguzali’s gaze touched every part of his body that was the difference between their gazes.
Once he had his supper, Sarutha went along with him, made his bed, placed a mug of hot water, wished him a good night, left his mind alone to wander with the intriguing web of stars. Adhavan pondered over the day’s happenings, it was the sixth night, he was staying away from home, he could well say, the previous place he was residing, post realization, it has become difficult for him to call any specific place as his home, so many things have changed by now, he has undergone so much of spiritual transformation, that he oddly recognizes himself now, his old identity has literally ceased to exist, he felt anew, even the intense, mind-wobbling tractates, the smiles of the beautiful, charming girls, the immaculate, adorable, scenic nature, all seem to be a passing cloud, nothing penetrated him, nor did it really get to his heart, they all seem to be prosaic third rated events, before the grand vortex through which his prana soared up to the heavens. Immersed in such deep thoughts, unaware, he slowly dozed off. It was around midnight, when Adhavan felt a hand over him, it touched him softly at the center of his bosom, he was not able to open his eyes, but he saw where it touched, he saw the shining lamp inside his body, exactly at the location where he was touched, the flow of the body reversed, everything fluid inside his body seem to flow towards the lamp inside, increasing the vibrations in his body to greater multitudes, the bright, whitish male form sitting to his right, lifted up his palm, his flow became normal, the vibrations subsided, he looked intently at the being, it was the same one, which stood at the end of Peruvazhi, during his first visit to the Vasimuni hills, this time along with him a dark female form has come, it was sitting to his left, she talked to the whitish male form in soft whispers, ‘You must ask him to pay a visit to us’, Adhavan recognized the voice so much, it belonged to the one who talked through him to Macham, the night when he and Macham were talking about the divine incarnations, the night when Macham prostrated before him. The white form replied in a deep resonating voice, “As per his karma, he has to initiate five of his disciples, before he pays his first visit.” He realized this voice too, the masculine roaring one, it belonged to the one, who have been talking to him in his trances, lately. Now, the dark female form touched him exactly at the same location, where the whitish form touched him, again the flow revered, he saw the lamp inside his body, she took off her hands, the flow became normal, then she slowly leaned over him, looked hard at the ash he had smeared on his forehead, very sensuously, slowly, she rubbed off the ash on his forehead, that very much reminded him of Mathivathani, smoothing the dried palm leaves with the conch shell, the dark form now winked at him, it slowly turned out into a beautiful, charismatic smile, that was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life, it also told him, that she knew everything about him, nothing could be hidden from her, she touched the center of the bosom again, the flow reversed, the vibrations were so high, his body started quivering with an uncontrollable, extraordinary ecstasy, she took her hands off, the flow became normal, she talked to him, “Did you see the lamp because the ashes were on your forehead?” Adhavan replied, “No” the dark form, then asked him again, in a sing song voice, the sweetest he had ever heard, “Did you see the lamp because the ashes weren't there on your forehead?” Adhavan thought for a moment and replied, “No”, she started reciting, “Listen carefully, you are an enlightened man, you have witnessed the grand truth, you need to stand by it, the world out there is very tricky, they have a diabolic tongue, they will manipulate your doings, your innocence and your sweetness, they will fabricate it to their own stories that which may alienate from the truth, hence withhold from religious expressions, profess only truth, adhere to it and live by it.” He wanted to reply, but he was not able to open his mouth, he tried to get up, but he felt chained to the grounds, he wanted to follow them, he tried desperately, tried again with all his might, but he failed miserably, both of them left him, slowly the hold eased on him, he opened his eyes, they have just vanished the face of the earth. Right on the spot they were sitting, he had a foot long white feather to his right and a foot long black feather to his left, both belonged to the birds that he had never seen before, he checked on the ash on his forehead it had been rubbed off, he was totally immobilized and stuck, it took some time to recollect his senses back, he started thinking, for all these days he was led by them, it’s all their doings, he could not hide anything from them, they knew why he was here, what he was doing, why he was doing it, they knew his purpose, they have been guarding it very secretly, they have put him with Macham and his family, the white male form belongs to Guru Athri, the dark female form belongs to his female counterpart, Annai Anushya Devi. He became so anxious, he wanted to share this information to everyone, he wanted to shout it aloud, wake up every one of them and yell at their ears of things he has seen. Since it was too early to wake up anyone, he controlled his emotions, eased himself, slowly dozed off into a peaceful sleep, in his dreams he saw the most beautiful places rich and abundant, never before seen animal and birds, great waterfalls, deep canyons, clear blue ponds, a brand new forest that is ten-folds denser, richer and sexier than the ones he has seen in his lifetime.
(To be continued...)
Written on Dates: 04/10;04/11;04/12;04/13/2015
Chapter 01 The Realization of the Vocation
Chapter 02 The First Glimpse of the Third Eye
Chapter 03 The Complete Surrender
Chapter 04 The Sacredness of the Divine Incarnation
Chapter 05 The Veneration of a Guru
Chapter 06 The Immortality
Chapter 07 The Art of Dying
Chapter 08 The Good Cause
Chapter 09 The First Dissemination
Chapter 10 The One behind the Spiritual Transformation
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions
Chapter 11 The Smothering of the Class Distinctions
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